The Optimistic Pessimist (or The Pessimistic Optimist)?

Korra · Apr 1, 2015

Often, I think of myself as an "optimistic pessimist". Yeah, it sounds like a contradiction, doesn't it? But to me, it seems as though it fits. I don't think of myself as purely optimistic nor pessimistic, and whenever someone identifies as such, there a few things that go through my mind. On one end, there's the "debbie downers" whom only see a negative outcome, and that nothing will change for the better. When I meet such people, I feel compelled to breathe life into that void of feeling and say, "Wait! Have you considered the other possibilities? Do you see the other positive avenues that still have a chance?" To me, someone whom can't shake negative views tends to drain me, as if I take on their negative feelings.
On the flip-side, for those that are more optimistic, I generally feel anxious inside around those people. Anxious in a way that I feel, "Yes! I really, really want to see this great thing happen! I want to see this change too!" mixed with a "But oh gosh, I'm so nervous this and that will happen and ruin the intended goal. Maybe I should express these concerns, but then again, I don't want to bring down your optimism." Usually, such things don't go favorably. Time and time again, I've encountered obstacles that totally screw up a certain goal me or my family are aiming for. One would think that after so many disappointments, one would develop a, "Things won't change for the better," mindset almost permanently. I, however, feel like a mental warrior that keeps shouting within my mind, "Keep going, it will get better!"

Metaphorically, I'm that blade of grass outside your yard. I believe I'll keep growing, and growing, but then I know, at some point down the road, some spinning blade of death will slice me in half. Yet, I know I can keep on trying to regrow despite intuitively knowing that blade of death will keep on spinning in the near future. But maybe, just maybe, that mower breaks down. Maybe that family moves away. That's the tiny optimism that sings in my mind while also having the content feeling of pessimism.

Possibly relatable to you all?

Syvelocin · Apr 1, 2015

That would be me. I think the optimist wins out in me, definitely more than it did in my adolescence at least, but you couldn't really class me as either. Now that I think about it, a fitting term for me would maybe be a realistic optimist. When my anxiety permits that is, lol. Pessimists really frustrate me, more because I'm sad that they don't see things they way I do (just how everything does get better, nothing is permanent, etc.) and pure optimists often seem very... disingenuous.

I can't deal with the pessimists much. I'm studying to go into the mental health profession, you know... and every now and then I encounter a really depressed person, like a total pessimist and suicidal but there's absolutely nothing you can say that'll even make them feel better let alone look at things in a different light. Like, I'm bipolar, so I know exactly what severe depression feels like, but yet even in my worst places I've always known there would be a lot of life and happiness in my future and giving up now would prevent me from experiencing that happiness. It's really frustrating to work with people who simply have zero hope, who can't fathom the possibility that things will get better and are in too much pain to wait around for them to do so. I feel so powerless when talking to them, that I can't help them, and all I can really be is a shoulder for them. Sorry for the dark topic lol.

ponyjoyride · Apr 2, 2015

I try to be optimistic whenever I can but I can never really be free from the awareness of the many ways things can to shit. So it's kind of a balance between hoping the best and fearing the worst. I do think there's a optimist, realist and pessimist side going on at the same time, I cannot really say that I'm only one of those things.

Syvelocin said:
I can't deal with the pessimists much. I'm studying to go into the mental health profession, you know... and every now and then I encounter a really depressed person, like a total pessimist and suicidal but there's absolutely nothing you can say that'll even make them feel better let alone look at things in a different light. Like, I'm bipolar, so I know exactly what severe depression feels like, but yet even in my worst places I've always known there would be a lot of life and happiness in my future and giving up now would prevent me from experiencing that happiness. It's really frustrating to work with people who simply have zero hope, who can't fathom the possibility that things will get better and are in too much pain to wait around for them to do so. I feel so powerless when talking to them, that I can't help them, and all I can really be is a shoulder for them. Sorry for the dark topic lol.

I'm also studying to go into the mental health profession and I definitely know how that feels -_- It's so frustrating that it almost makes me angry that someone doesn't see how much great potential and hope there is. And yeah, there's pretty much nothing you can do if they're not willing to let go of their hopelessness.

yippy · Apr 1, 2015

Optimist here, but not a blind one. I actually like and relate to the term realistic optimist coined by @Syvelocin. The way I see it: if there is no reason for me to be pessimistic or negative than I am optimistic & positive. However if there is a good reason to be pessimistic or negative I allow that mood to be, I look for the source of my pessimism/negativity and I will adress those issues. Problems solved? Let's be positive once more!

A lot of folks are pessimistic when there is no need to be. When they start a new project, they are certain they will fail. When they start a relationship they are convinced they will break up soon. They keep holding on to these convinctions despite signs that they are doing really well. Can't they see they are doing a good job? Can't they see they have a stable & loving relationship? I think it is kind of sad that these people can't see the happiness that is right in front of them. I have tried to convince a few of them that they were doing well, but it really is difficult to make a pessimist more optimistic. Some really don't want to change, its like they need their pessimism in order to survive & thrive.

Mac The Knife · Apr 2, 2015

I would say I tend to follow this almost exactly all the time. I plan for the worse (internally) as a safeguard and then hope for the best. In an attempt to pretending I'm accepting things out of my control, but in the end it's cliche' but been helpful for me.

The Optimistic Pessimist (or The Pessimistic Optimist)?

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