OK, well maybe I can offer some insight. Please understand that I'm only speaking for myself here, and this doesn't apply to all ISFPs, but hopefully you can learn a little about us from me. :happy:

The first thing I would say is try not to be too pushy about him coming out of his shell. I wouldn't be surprised if he took a long time to really show you who he is, what his values are, etc. So just be a little patient. As for going out and plans and what not, don't be too surprised if you get a lot of "I'm up for whatever" type answers. This doesn't mean that he doesn't care, he's generally open to anything. On that note, that doesn't mean don't ask him. Speaking for myself, I always like to feel included in anything, even if I am just up for whatever. Trust me, this will go a long way and he will feel appreciated. Also, him being an introvert means that he'll likely want to spend a fair bit of time just hanging out together at home. So don't be too surprised if this happens often.

Checking up on him daily? It varies person to person, but speaking for myself I wouldn't want to feel like I was being smothered so try not to go too overboard. Giving him some space will go a long way I'm sure of it. I guess the final thing I will say is, just be yourself. I only ever knew one person who I thought could be an ENFP (I'm really bad at typing people so take this with a grain of salt) and she was a lot of fun to hang around. So with that said, good luck! I hope things work out for you two :happy:

 

!!!! You are incredibly sweet. I feel really touched reading your post because I can tell you are so caring and open with your affection. Your ISFP is very, very lucky.

Ya know, is it someone checking up on you consistently or hanging out with your friends or sending you texts throughout the day?

From an ISFP standpoint, maybe not so much! It does vary, and we are open people, but the general consensus is is that we like to have space, a bit of feeling of independence, all that! We love affection but at the same time, perhaps ironically from the viewpoint of some, feeling smothered is overwhelming. The balance varies with each. (...I can't imagine how I'd navigate a relationship with another ISFP, come to think of it.) I think of it like a spectrum.

I want to show love for my partner and let them be involved, which makes them happy, and at this point I feel good about it too! <---------------------------------------> My need for space is now impossible to ignore and I will want to withdraw, which I will do if I'm an assertive ISFP.

A lot of us have trouble voicing our needs-- we are stereotyped as doormats. We love to take care of our partner's needs (!!!) but! can come to neglect our own. In general, a safe space to speak up for ourselves-- without pressure, is sometimes what we might need. When I tell my INTP friend that I need some time away from her, she just says "okay, whatever you need. I'll be here," and I feel so loved and safe. (When I tell my ENFJ friend, she adds "I love you!" and that's even better oop). I need to know that my need for space isn't taken personally and doesn't make me look selfish. I don't want it to be misunderstood as hurtful. When my space quota is filled I'm ready to get back into the game!

(I know I typed an essay in response to one sentence ahHH but I just wanted to give as much helpful information as I can!)

Do you like it better when they make plans and you go on adventures together or when you just chill together? (Sometimes with our double P tendencies we just sit around for hours, which he is totally fine with, of course, because he's the best.)

We love to chill! We feel so lucky when we can be around the people we love. It's like you can score so many bonus points just being physically present, it's amazing.

Bring us on your adventures-- but make it quality time if you can, one-on-one. We don't mind being the sidekick to your protagonist :wink:

Some personal examples of ISFP expressing love through actions-- some speak in physical touch. Not just sexual intimacy, but little things like brushing hair behind an ear too. I have this thing for drying the other person's hair (physical touch + act of service! heck yeah) or playing with their hair. If someone does those things back at me I!!! I melt on the inside. Observe what your ISFP does in terms of actions and speak it right back and see what works! Add your own twists and quirky ways of doing things!

Every individual speaks love differently. In reference to the 5 Languages of Love, the thing about ISFPs is that they can interpret these all as actions. Even words of affirmation-- the words you pick do matter but what will really absorb into us is the intent and feeling behind the words. In a way words can be read in actions too!

It's possible that you are already in the Wow They Are The Best category-- and if not yet, be patient! It takes time. We don't view acts of love in isolation- like wow! this one thing that my partner did really tipped the scale! Although ISFPs are not consciously big picture people, I like to think of all the stuff we get through Se as contributing to the fuzzy Fi and Ni inside. We look at someone we love and we get this fuzzy amorphous love feeling, and if we've known them for a long time and they've been good to us, gently and patiently for that long time, that fuzzy feeling is HUGE. And we'll find our own ways to show that feeling, even if they may be a bit slow and laidback too.

I typed a novel oh goodness but maybe it's worth mentioning that I have an ENFP little sister. Sometimes her Ne-dom was overwhelming for me-- she wanted to play with me a lot! She asked so many questions about everything! I would end up like "ahhh stop I need to be alone. And I'm not an encyclopedia!" ("But you know everything!" "Leave me alone AHHH") But when we're speaking Fi, we're definitely on the same wavelength. In a romantic relationship with an ENFP I would try harder to meet my ENFP halfway though, of course :tongue:

 

I have to say, one of the main things would be to get to know him and how to make him feel loved (which you seem to be doing starting this thread, good job! :wink
like @kittenmogu said, with the 5 languages of love, that's a good way to start, learning his love language. Mine is physical touch, mainly hugs. I don't like thing like back massages though because I have Sensory Processing Disorder (basically it feels really uncomfortable to me) so make sure he doesn't have anything like that because he might not be outspoken enough to tell you that he doesn't like it, but I am sure he will appreciate the thought. A poll on the ISFP forums found that the 2 most common love languages for ISFP's are physical touch, which I just told you about, and quality time, which you get just talking to him mostly. Another way to do that would be to go do things with him that he likes, if he likes art, you could take him to an art museum, or maybe a glass blowing place to take a class, or just talk to him about things he likes, because that makes him feel appreciated. (also make sure to compliment him, because we can be quite critical of ourselves, but not too much because then it makes us feel awkward)

Also, ISFP's aren't known to be extremely good with words, so you can say "I love you" and stuff like that, but don't expect a whole lot back in the way of words of affirmation. Try to uphold his values, because our dominate Fi can get upset with people breaking our values. But that also means a healthy one can be quite kind, as you have mentioned he is caring and generous, so maybe going out and doing random (Perceiving) nice things for people (Feeling) and even better, if you can be totally anonymous with it. (Introverted)

And finally, try to at least invite him to be a part of a lot of things, because it makes us feel special that you think of us to want to invite us, but make sure he knows it is okay to say no if he doesn't feel like going.

I hope this helped, good luck!

 

I'm plenty good with words...written on paper or typed out. I'm not one to verbalize my love. So if he's very quiet about things, don't take it personally. With that out of the way...

I really like it when my husband thinks to clean up the dishes after I've fixed dinner or after they've piled up. I can get into some pretty elaborate recipes, and when I do, cleaning up after the meal is the last thing on my mind. When I have time I like to clean the dishes as I go, but some recipes have me twirling in circles chopping and dicing and stirring and pouring the whole time I'm making dinner/baking. So I really appreciate it when he recognizes how hard I worked to put out something healthy and good on the table for the family, and steps in to help with cleanup. Seriously, to me, nothing is better than helping me out around the house. Especially when I know that he doesn't notice a mess the same way I do.

I also like hearing that he's bragged about me to friends or family. I can be pretty modest about some things, so when he talks me up to his family or friends about something I didn't think was a big deal it really warms my heart.

It's also been great that he's finally learned when I disappear to the bedroom for a little while, he knows it's not that I'm mad or upset or anything, it's just because I want some time to myself. It took him a while to understand and thought that he had done something wrong. Before he could be kind of smothering constantly wanting to be by my side. We've been doing a lot better since he figured out that sometimes I just need an hour or so to myself.

 

I find I feel most loved when I'm listened to and appreciated. When my partner shows that they care about what I think and feel, it gives me the warm fuzzies. ^w^ Also there are small things that they do which shows I am important to them such as paying attention to what I have to say when we are conversing with a group of people because I'm quiet and tend to get drowned out and/or talked over, as well as taking time out of their day to make me feel good by brushing my hair or making me a cup of tea. <3

 

I haven't been in a romantic relationship yet...but I definitely have thought about what qualities I would like most:

-making me laugh
-showing that they are a good person (to others, their family/friends, to the world/nature/animals)
-being supportive
-being kind
-saying things gently
-thinking deeply/logically/emotionally/spiritually when I have asked for their advice (which is something I seldom ever do) and not pushing my concerns away as silly or trite or annoying
-never makes me feel annoying

Basically something that engages my Fi in a positive way makes me really think "highly" of others (romantically or not).

As far as what "attracts" me though seems to come from mysterious reasons. I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach. A spark. And usually that spark comes from the first meeting...thus, sadly, if I don't feel that spark in the beginning, it seems almost impossible for me to suddenly get interested in someone romantically later on. That initial spark has to be there upon the first moments of getting to know someone, otherwise...they are friend-zoned and stay there forever. Regardless of how others might argue that so and so is perfect for me...I just can't see it happening if I wasn't interested earlier on.

 

Hey friends!

Sorry to reanimate this zombie post, but I just wanted to thank you all for your input. It's been over 6 months with my ISFP and it's been really wonderful. The enneagram has been SUPER helpful; he's a type 9, and although the 4-9 relationship is supposed to be hard, we're enjoying it. I still wonder if I express how I feel about him well. I avoid anything gushy and try to hold his hand and ask his opinion on things a lot. But yeah, all of your suggestions are /so/ applicable, especially the ones about just being there in an objective/not taking things personally way and reminding him how wonderful he is. ) So thank you again!

 

Sex .

 

lol, it's such a delight to read the OP and with a lot of ENFP posts on the forum.

It seems to me that you can easily exhaust him. For me, when I am healthy, I enjoy activities and physical experience a lot. When I am unhealthy and down, I can easily get tired and not wanting to do anything. But this may not be type related.

I used to have a ISTP friend whom I like hanging out with. We didn't do it often, though. Both of us enjoyed being outdoor, walked around the neighborhood and spoke when we felt like it. We would go together when there's outdoor events or festivals. There's not much talking on the way. We also liked getting coffee or food together and chat, but even then we didn't talk all the time.

I am usually wary of initiating to meet (which means I don't) because I know most of the time I don't have much to say, and I am afraid that I would bore people. Sometimes it feels nice to have someone invite me, except partying which I usually don't enjoy. I prefer spontaneous activities and environment instead of the formal, and I prefer a blank or flexible schedule. A fixed timetable can get a bit stressful for me. I like canceling plan at the last minutes and I am happy... bad, I know.

What does it take to push someone from the They Are Cute and Nice category to the Wow They Are The Best category?

What do you consider as Wow They Are The Best? It's kind of weird because you say he is all cool but then here you are like he is not.

Seems to me you are doing fine.

EDIT: I didn't read every post and didn't realize its being so long.