Im asking this because its abnormal, and interesting.
musun69
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I've had expirience with this. I kept getting back with her (it was during a time of the whole "teenager confusion" thing, so of course I thought I was gay), but then I would break up with her again. I think the reasonI kept coming back was that she always semed devistated (in INFJ fashion of course), and I did really like her, but it was just so hard to talk to her. She never was one to start conversations and was always worried I was avoidng her because I needed my alone time.
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hmm I've always found you INTP's impossible to actually stay mad at for more than a minute. I've never actually had a rough argument with one in real life (I've called one out before but that's not arguing). This is because I would actually figure out what type of thinking/logic you'd give me and apply it to the situation before I got to talking to you. I would then agree with you or respect your opinion before you actually open your mouth to say it. I just see your point most of the time and when I don't agree with it I'll say so. But I won't get mad.
Because upon first impression we seem very alike yet strangely different at the same time. Us INTP's may show a lot of Fe to accommodate ourselves as well as demonstrate our appreciation for the INFJ's who are very familiar with Fe themselves. INFJ's work their tertiary Ti to relate to the INTPs' stream of thought. Although we share intuition functions and come to similar conclusions, our dominant Ti may become too cold and rigid for the empathetic INFJ and both types soon learn this one little difference means a lot to their communication. I don't think we ever quite figure each other out so there's always the appetite to reconcile.
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Well put and thought out as usual :happy:
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INTPs give me faith in existentialism, I don't know where I'd be without them. I mean this both seriously and in jest, odd position to find myself in but this is what happens in the company of INTPs. I think the conflict comes in when the idealistic system analyzing INFJ is trapped in the undefined abstract theorizing of the INTP. INTPs literally blows my mind at times, throwing well developed theories into my paradox machine causing no end of destruction to my perceptions, but theres nothing I like more than scavenging in a virtual galactic scrapyard of half built concepts. One day with the help of an INTP I hope to build a intergalactic repository of the teachings of existence for all the lifeforms in the universe to use and discuss, that or end up in an old peoples home arguing over chess pieces.
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I agree 100%. what does get me mad is when an INTP doesn't respect my opinion and insists that he is right then we end up fighting all night (that is with only one INTP I know out of several)
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Heh, yeah I felt like the INTP I was dating couldn't comprehend a word I was saying either at times. Sometimes I think the INFJ's tendency for metaphoric talk is what REALLY throws INTPs off (I'm pretty sure a few times I might have almost saw my INTP's eye's cross with complete confusion when I started talking metaphorically). But, at the same time, I can also say that he had me just as confused as well at times.
To add to the discussion here are just a few other tendencies I personally noticed (now, please note that this can very well be more individual-driven than type driven to some degree since I think I've only dealt with one INTP so far).
Why we fight:
- The INFJ's ego needs verbal validation that the person they are dating cares. This is need is virtually incomprehensible to the INTP because, to them, it doesn't make logical sense. (If its a romantic relationship of course)
- The INFJ's strong desire for commitment in their romantic relationships. An INTP may, again, not entirely comprehend why this is important. They may see it as "nothing is guaranteed anyway so why do you need it?"
- The INFJ may say a very abstract idea that (through their Ni) believe that it is very true, though there is no physical way to prove otherwise. The INTP may argue otherwise on this by naturally questioning "Is this true?" Since it is so abstract and because the INFJ isn't as logical, the INFJ will struggle to give any good reasoning as to "why he/she sees this as true".
- The INTP may unintentionally omit certain information to the INFJ that the INFJ may feel should be shared. It may not be until AFTER the fight that the INTP will share what he/she thought and felt.
Why get back together?
- From the INFJ's perspective, as @UncertainSomething said - INTPs seem to continuously destruct our perceptions. We will see things one way, but the INTP will always disclose some new information that will send us in a complete cognitive shift of perception. It's quite mind-bloggling.
- The other reason is that I get the sense that INFJs feel that INTPs challenge them in more ways than they are even consciously aware of by simply being the way they are.
- I don't know about other INFJs, but I know for me that I tend to feel bad if I feel like I haven't completely understood the person as well as I could have. With INTPs it seems to take FOREVER to understand them, so it keeps us always coming back.
Why do INTPs always come back to INFJs? Now that it still a mystery to me.
I agree with many of your points but will comment on each.
I dated one for an intense but fairly short (4 months) period of time.
Why we fight:
- The INFJ's ego needs verbal validation that the person they are dating cares. This is need is virtually incomprehensible to the INTP because, to them, it doesn't make logical sense. (If its a romantic relationship of course)
This is less true from my experience. I felt as though I was always conscious of this fact and was too sensitive to her needs. We broke up primarily because she wanted someone to cut the shit and tell her she was crazy when she was being crazy. I was too infatuated and worried about losing her if I did so. First relationship for me so rookie mistake
She's with an ENTJ now so I'm fairly certain that's what she was looking for all along.
- The INFJ may say a very abstract idea that (through their Ni) believe that it is very true, though there is no physical way to prove otherwise. The INTP may argue otherwise on this by naturally questioning "Is this true?" Since it is so abstract and because the INFJ isn't as logical, the INFJ will struggle to give any good reasoning as to "why he/she sees this as true".
It's like I have the formula and if I plug it in it should give me my answer each time, and when it doesn't I can't let it go.
I bombarded her with "but why's? and she was always like "You always want to know exactly why. It just happened."
- The INTP may unintentionally omit certain information to the INFJ that the INFJ may feel should be shared. It may not be until AFTER the fight that the INTP will share what he/she thought and felt.
We don't like stating the obvious, and our actions often reflect our feelings without explicitly saying so. I clearly underestimated how important the verbal details part of communication was. It can be a hurdle for us to intimacy as well.
Why get back together?
- From the INFJ's perspective, as @UncertainSomething said - INTPs seem to continuously destruct our perceptions. We will see things one way, but the INTP will always disclose some new information that will send us in a complete cognitive shift of perception. It's quite mind-bloggling.
Once she told me she wanted to live inside my head it completely changed the way I looked at women (again I was a rookie). I had no idea by simply sharing how I saw things it would have that kind of effect on her. I felt the exact same way about her, never fully understanding her, so was always trying to figure her out.
Why do INTPs always come back to INFJs? Now that it still a mystery to me.
I was as drawn to her as she was to me. We still talk and get together once in a while after 8 years.
We were terribly incompatible in a relationship but as platonic soul mates it's nice. The conversations between me and INFJ's are off the charts amazing and personally the most satisfying.
I dated one for an intense but fairly short (4 months) period of time.
Why we fight:
- The INFJ's ego needs verbal validation that the person they are dating cares. This is need is virtually incomprehensible to the INTP because, to them, it doesn't make logical sense. (If its a romantic relationship of course)
This is less true from my experience. I felt as though I was always conscious of this fact and was too sensitive to her needs. We broke up primarily because she wanted someone to cut the shit and tell her she was crazy when she was being crazy. I was too infatuated and worried about losing her if I did so. First relationship for me so rookie mistake
She's with an ENTJ now so I'm fairly certain that's what she was looking for all along.- The INFJ may say a very abstract idea that (through their Ni) believe that it is very true, though there is no physical way to prove otherwise. The INTP may argue otherwise on this by naturally questioning "Is this true?" Since it is so abstract and because the INFJ isn't as logical, the INFJ will struggle to give any good reasoning as to "why he/she sees this as true".
It's like I have the formula and if I plug it in it should give me my answer each time, and when it doesn't I can't let it go.
I bombarded her with "but why's? and she was always like "You always want to know exactly why. It just happened."
- The INTP may unintentionally omit certain information to the INFJ that the INFJ may feel should be shared. It may not be until AFTER the fight that the INTP will share what he/she thought and felt.
We don't like stating the obvious, and our actions often reflect our feelings without explicitly saying so. I clearly underestimated how important the verbal details part of communication was. It can be a hurdle for us to intimacy as well.
Why get back together?
- From the INFJ's perspective, as @UncertainSomething said - INTPs seem to continuously destruct our perceptions. We will see things one way, but the INTP will always disclose some new information that will send us in a complete cognitive shift of perception. It's quite mind-bloggling.
Once she told me she wanted to live inside my head it completely changed the way I looked at women (again I was a rookie). I had no idea by simply sharing how I saw things it would have that kind of effect on her. I felt the exact same way about her, never fully understanding her, so was always trying to figure her out.
Why do INTPs always come back to INFJs? Now that it still a mystery to me.
I was as drawn to her as she was to me. We still talk and get together once in a while after 8 years.
We were terribly incompatible in a relationship but as platonic soul mates it's nice. The conversations between me and INFJ's are off the charts amazing and personally the most satisfying.
One other thought I had.
When I say something mushy or out of character but really heartfelt I'm treading in unchartered waters. I want to get it out, but it's painful and I don't want to say it again or try and rephrase it because I've already spent all sorts of effort forming the words over an extended period of time. I'm not comfortable expressing the same words again because I feel as though the effects of the words will just diminish over time, and I'd prefer to let my actions take the place from then. That's a tough hurdle in communication with someone who wants our words of affection expressed more often or more explicitly.
When I say something mushy or out of character but really heartfelt I'm treading in unchartered waters. I want to get it out, but it's painful and I don't want to say it again or try and rephrase it because I've already spent all sorts of effort forming the words over an extended period of time. I'm not comfortable expressing the same words again because I feel as though the effects of the words will just diminish over time, and I'd prefer to let my actions take the place from then. That's a tough hurdle in communication with someone who wants our words of affection expressed more often or more explicitly.
This is less true from my experience. I felt as though I was always conscious of this fact and was too sensitive to her needs. We broke up primarily because she wanted someone to cut the shit and tell her she was crazy when she was being crazy. I was too infatuated and worried about losing her if I did so. First relationship for me so rookie mistake She's with an ENTJ now so I'm fairly certain that's what she was looking for all along.
This is more of a male/female thing, I have observed. In my case, I expected the same, but I am the INTP, and I did expect my INFJ to help me uncomplicate myself. Women are like that.
We don't like stating the obvious, and our actions often reflect our feelings without explicitly saying so. I clearly underestimated how important the verbal details part of communication was. It can be a hurdle for us to intimacy as well.
I had so many problems with this in my last relationship (with the INFJ) that it is not even funny. It was impossible to know what was relevant information and what was not! :/ Not even a ton of good intentions could fix it. :/
Why get back together?
- From the INFJ's perspective, as @UncertainSomething said - INTPs seem to continuously destruct our perceptions. We will see things one way, but the INTP will always disclose some new information that will send us in a complete cognitive shift of perception. It's quite mind-bloggling.
Why do INTPs always come back to INFJs? Now that it still a mystery to me.
I was as drawn to her as she was to me. We still talk and get together once in a while after 8 years.
We were terribly incompatible in a relationship but as platonic soul mates it's nice. The conversations between me and INFJ's are off the charts amazing and personally the most satisfying.[/QUOTE]
This. We have things in common enough to think similarly, but then you get close and realize so many different things that makes the INTP and INFJ intrigued by the opposite perspective. I am kinda surprised it happens on the INFJ side too tbh.
She's with an ENTJ now so I'm fairly certain that's what she was looking for all along.This is more of a male/female thing, I have observed. In my case, I expected the same, but I am the INTP, and I did expect my INFJ to help me uncomplicate myself. Women are like that.
We don't like stating the obvious, and our actions often reflect our feelings without explicitly saying so. I clearly underestimated how important the verbal details part of communication was. It can be a hurdle for us to intimacy as well.
I had so many problems with this in my last relationship (with the INFJ) that it is not even funny.
It was impossible to know what was relevant information and what was not! :/ Not even a ton of good intentions could fix it. :/Why get back together?
- From the INFJ's perspective, as @UncertainSomething said - INTPs seem to continuously destruct our perceptions. We will see things one way, but the INTP will always disclose some new information that will send us in a complete cognitive shift of perception. It's quite mind-bloggling.
Why do INTPs always come back to INFJs? Now that it still a mystery to me.
I was as drawn to her as she was to me. We still talk and get together once in a while after 8 years.
We were terribly incompatible in a relationship but as platonic soul mates it's nice. The conversations between me and INFJ's are off the charts amazing and personally the most satisfying.[/QUOTE]
This. We have things in common enough to think similarly, but then you get close and realize so many different things that makes the INTP and INFJ intrigued by the opposite perspective. I am kinda surprised it happens on the INFJ side too tbh.
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I keep hearing that phrase here: "passive-aggressive" What does that mean? I can sort of see how INTPs could be passive, *then* aggressive. Is that what people mean? Ti: (Huh, that's in the wrong place) Ne: (out loud) Why did you put that there? Wouldn't it be better to put it over there? <gets ignored> Si: (Grr. I remember all those times that guy put that thing in the wrong place.) Fe: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THAT THING OVER THERE! IT GOES OVER THERE!
very glad to have found this thread. am currently in infj/intp circle of confusion. why do intp's insist on acting enamored one minute, then the next completely disinterested? what are they setting to do by acting like this? doesn't common sense dictate that if you ignore a person, that person will think you are disinterested? i thought early on when he became distant that he had simply lost interest and was ready to move on. but time and time again, he seems to shock me by being completely sweet and intimate when we finally do meet.
i feel like i am slowly being tortured. ack.
i feel like i am slowly being tortured. ack.
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INTPs like complex systems. What is more complex than the inside of an INFJ's head? You confuse us, but we like that you confuse us!
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