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Love Types: ISFJ

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#41 · (Edited)
My fiancee is an ISFJ and I am an ESFP. We love each other and enjoy each other's company. We can be serious together, but also really silly and playful. We can talk about anything and have a deep emotional and spiritual connection. But its still a relationship between two flawed people and therefore it's still hard and requires work on both parts. Sometimes it is hard and there are misunderstandings. We often have very different perspectives (which can be exciting yet frustrating sometimes). Sometimes the way we see things differently causes mis communication and misunderstandings. So we have definitely seen that communication is a place we need to grow. I think communication is one of the main keys to having a good relationship...regardless of what type each person is, if you can communicate and understand each other you will probably be happier. All that being said, communication is not the only thing that makes for a happy marriage. I have learned alot about myself and him and the more I learn about my ISFJ the more I see how selfish and prideful I can be, and yet how blessed I am to have him. The more that we learn about eachother the more we see that niether of us is perfect and niether of us are going to fulfill the other person or meet all of their needs. that is not what a partner is supposed to do, only God can do that. But we can try and love each other by helping each other along this journey of life. Neither of us are not perfect but we try our best to love one another with God's grace and the strength that he provides.
 
#42 ·
cyamitide said:
These are recommended matches for ISFJ according to socionics:

ISFJ +

Attractive relations:
+ ENTP - Duality description under ILE-SEI
+ INTP - Activity Relations
+ ENFP - Semi-duality Relations
+ ESTP - Mirage relations
+ INFP - Benefit relations where INFP is benefactor and ISFJ is beneficiary
+ ISTP - Benefit relations where ISFJ is benefactor and ISTP is beneficiary

Medium level relations:
+ ESFP - Extinguishment Relations
+ ESFJ - Mirror Relations
+ ISTJ - Kindred Relations
+ INFJ - Business Relations
+ ISFP - Quasi-identical Relations
+ ISFJ - Identical Relations

Difficult relations:
+ ENTJ - Conflict Relations
+ INTJ - Superego relations
+ ENFJ - Supervision-relations where ISFJ is supervisor and ENFJ is supervisee
+ ESTJ - Supervision-relations where ESTJ is supervisor and ISFJ is supervisee

These compatibilities are based on correspondence in cognitive functions: you and your romantic partner will find it easier to understand each other if your jungian types have all or at least some of the cognitive functions in common.

Jungian type isn't the only thing that influences compatibility. Enneagram type and instinctual stackings also have their influence.
Click to expand...
Forgot to add Romancing Styles (Si-Fe falls under "caregiver" style).

There is also now an SEI-ILE duality group open on facebook.
 
#43 ·
cyamitide said:
ISFJ - INTJ relationships are often difficult because these two types share no cognitive functions in common so they are fraught with misunderstandings.
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I agree with this. My ISFJ boyfriend and I communicate well only because we do so with patience and affection.

But misunderstandings can arise. His dominant introverted sensing (Si) vs. my dominant introverted intuition (Ni) means that we project to the future quite differently. And since we are facing some uncertainties about the future currently, this has, for the first time in our newish relationship, revealed one major difference in how we function.

And whereas he would rather smooth over the difference due to his extraverted feeling (Fe), I want to sort it out with logic and discussion due to my extraverted thinking (Te).

It would be funny if it weren't such hard work! At least it is forcing me to communicate and get in touch with how I feel.

I still think being in a relationship with an ISFJ is quite wonderful. The sheer effort that ISFJs put into the tiny day-to-day elements of a relationship is quite beyond me to reciprocate, but is appreciated.
 
#44 ·
BehindSmile said:
My boyfriend is ISTJ and his healthy emotions help my more irrational/oversensitive/crazier emotions balance out. :wink: He really is great, and knows exactly how to deal with me when I'm upset. He just listens and truely listens.
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I have been dating an INFP for almost two years. We are very intimately connected and the relationship in general is very deep and I am mostly satisfied in it. The one thing that sometimes draws me away is due to our lack of communication and listening skills. There have been points in the relationship that I had second thoughts - if we are actually compatible - because instead of just gaging what I need, which all I needed was to be listened to and be compassionate towards my tedious worries, instead he would try to "fix me" (literally, act as my psychologist, or to that effect). I love him genuinely, but I need to know that I am listened to, he struggles with this because (he has admitted to this also) he is constantly interrupting my flow of thoughts. Most of the times, I give up and just let him speak. Often he has told me to "get over yourself", I don't know if just doesn't understand how to comprehend human compassion in an intimate and romantic relationship or if his advice is just blunt, in simplistic terms.
 
#45 ·
heylena said:
I have been dating an INFP for almost two years. We are very intimately connected and the relationship in general is very deep and I am mostly satisfied in it. The one thing that sometimes draws me away is due to our lack of communication and listening skills. There have been points in the relationship that I had second thoughts - if we are actually compatible - because instead of just gaging what I need, which all I needed was to be listened to and be compassionate towards my tedious worries, instead he would try to "fix me" (literally, act as my psychologist, or to that effect). I love him genuinely, but I need to know that I am listened to, he struggles with this because (he has admitted to this also) he is constantly interrupting my flow of thoughts. Most of the times, I give up and just let him speak. Often he has told me to "get over yourself", I don't know if just doesn't understand how to comprehend human compassion in an intimate and romantic relationship or if his advice is just blunt, in simplistic terms.
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He's a man. The most basic advice I was given on this (which has worked) was to preface your need to be listened to with the following sentence:

"I don't need you to fix this, I just need to (talk it out/vent/talk...)

...this usually does the trick and takes the pressure off of them to naturally feel like it's their "job" to be the "fixer".
 
#46 ·
gigi_ying said:
I agree with this. My ISFJ boyfriend and I communicate well only because we do so with patience and affection.

But misunderstandings can arise. His dominant introverted sensing (Si) vs. my dominant introverted intuition (Ni) means that we project to the future quite differently. And since we are facing some uncertainties about the future currently, this has, for the first time in our newish relationship, revealed one major difference in how we function.

And whereas he would rather smooth over the difference due to his extraverted feeling (Fe), I want to sort it out with logic and discussion due to my extraverted thinking (Te).

It would be funny if it weren't such hard work! At least it is forcing me to communicate and get in touch with how I feel.

I still think being in a relationship with an ISFJ is quite wonderful. The sheer effort that ISFJs put into the tiny day-to-day elements of a relationship is quite beyond me to reciprocate, but is appreciated.
Click to expand...
I am ISFJ with an INTJ partner and it's worked for us going on 12 years now. Like you said, patience and affection. I think affection is a big key. Plus as an ISFJ my "way" is to meet needs. He needs a doer...so I can easily meet those needs because I handle all household items. If he asks for something he needs from the store, chances are I'll come back with at least two of whatever it is he's asked for.

Plus, there's a great deal of admiration and respect. He has come to really value the way I see the world. In fact, most of my closest female friends are INTJ (seriously) and also value and admire my view of the world.

The most interesting thing I have learned about INTJ's is that in some ways they are far more idealistic about human nature than they appear. To know one on the surface is to see someone who presents a strong and sometimes even cynical person and yet, if you know them WELL it turns out that they are idealistic (dare I say, dreamers?) and I would say that often as an ISFJ I am more pragmatic than my INTJ cohort. Hopefully I didn't just veer off topic there.

Long story short, there is a great deal to be valued about the bonds and affinity between an INTJ and ISFJ in my opinion. We cause personal growth and patience in each other as well as help the other see the world in different lights. I personally adore the INTJ's I am lucky to call part of my life.
 
#50 ·
Huh, I noticed I get along romantically best with an xSTP female. They have this carefree, nonjudgmental, laid back, and flirty attitude that I find attractive, and they also have Fe in their stack, which helps a lot.

Thoughts?
 
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