I had "all-shyness", not only love-shyness, once. I love the challenge of developing romantic relationships, so it's not an issue for me (it was once, though.) I love sharing, looking in the eyes, etc., and am quite confident once I am in such position. The problem with me is that I have a very complex value/thought processing system which inhibits me from asking strangers out-I would only ask out those people I am already familiar with, not total strangers. And even then, I am very careful about who I ask out in the first place, IF I ever do. Once I am dating, I feel very comfortable, save I am not one to try to go physical at first (out of respect for the lady, and because I need to be really attracted/"in love" before getting to that step.) I do not lack confidence anymore, so for me dating a person I like is a very fun, non-problematic process. The difficult thing for me is getting a date in the first place, not dating perse, if that makes sense. In the past, my crippling shyness and general lack of confidence wouldn't have let me properly date at all, but I believe we can all work hard to overcome these fears-I don't believe extreme shyness to be an issue anymore in my life, although of course I am still introverted.
In short, I lack "love-shyness", but it doesn't mean that the process is easy for me, because I find it difficult to date people in the first place due to my introverted nature and set of values. I am not shy, but won't go out of my way to ask out on dates people unless I know them well and see possible compatibility somewhere. In fact, asking out a lady is not a problem; finding the right person to ask out is.
Let me briefly answer your questions:
1. Do you have loveshyness? Or if not, do you know anyone with the condition or who you suspect may have the condition?
Not sure if I had it-I think I did, but it was overall shyness, not only romance-related.
2. If so, when did you first learn about it or find out that you had it?
I read about it a few years ago when I was bursting out of my bubble (long story.) I developed confidence, so as I said above, love-shyness is not a problem-finding dates is.
3. For both INtroverts (lol) and loveshys, what is your relationship experience? How many relationships have you been in? Are you still a virgin? How far have you been with a romantic partner?
You are touching different subjects, nto necessarily tied with love-shyness, although they could be. I've had several true love experiences, but only one relationship for over 4 years, which was quite strange, although she cared for me in her own way (even though she used me as well, but she's not that bad of a person-I was too lacking in confidence back then as well, so it wasn't meant to be after 2008).
I am still a "virgin" but am not innocent. I had opportunities but turned them down. This is a non-issue for me as being a virgin or not is not important to me, and caring about it seems rather trivial to me. We shouldn't care for what society says, one way or the other. If you are virgin, it's all good- if you aren't, it's all good too. I don't understand why it's so bad, as anybody could lose his/her virginity for its own sake-but I would never have sex for its own sake, and only with a person I love and am comfortable with (the relationship above wasn't very physical, although clearly there was love involved-it is too complex to explain, because we both had our own difficulties to deal with-I really cannot elaborate on the matter without violating my friend's privacy.) So yes, I am still a virgin according to society, but I don't see how it matters at all-it's not as if I was a "saint" or asexual.
I have not had another true relationship since 2008. That lady I knew from my music school's days, since 2003-2008, with many of these years being a long-distance relationship (2+, if I remember correctly). I've dated via okcupid since, but not asking anybody out offline-so far, it's been online only, although not necessarily by choice. I never dated until 2004 (perhaps even later), with the above friend (mostly intentionally, as I focused a lot on my music studies, and dating was off my radar for many reasons, including the fact that I entered my twenties thinking that I may never have any relationship at all, and was rather ok with it somehow-deep down, I DID want a relationship, though, and it is one of the reasons I moved out of there back then into NYC.)
4. Is loveshyness more prominent in the introverted types, especially the INxx types?
I cannot answer this, but I imagine so. I don't doubt there are "love-shy" ISxxs as well depending their background, and it wouldn't surprise me if a few extroverts had this problem.
5. What is a lonely, male INFP (i.e. me) to do regarding his condition?
I believe human relationships are a skill. Or a set of skills. You have to practice, but also have a great self-image-by this I don't mean that you must be better looking that anyone else, but that you have a healthy sense of self. You take care of yourself, and are proud of who you are, what you do, and what you believe in. Develop your own unique persona-dare to be different while still being yourself. While developing this unshakable confidence I talk about, you also start working on human relationship skills-looking at people in the eyes (that's ok, don't be afraid, although it is an art and needs practice), standing up for your beliefs, talking with confidence and poise (practice, practice, practice), asking things from people without fear, not being afraid to make mistakes (therefore, taking public risks), losing communication awkwardness (we can all be social introverts, so don't feel you can't be social just because you are INxx, etc.), dare to say what you feel without fear of ridicule or mockery, etc., etc., etc.
6. Are certain types (eg INFP) and genders (eg male) more prone to this condition than others?
Doubt it is an "INFP condition". INFPs are not inherently flawed human beings. They are as capable of happiness as ANY other type. They have to work harder at some stuff, but also have little problem with things that would be harder for, say, an ENTJ. I would say it would be more common with very shy types, regardless type. But remember, being INFP is not a "malady", much less a curse that must prevent personal fulfillment (even being a male INFP, which a few individuals seem to have a problem with.)
I believe a lady could be love-shy as well, perhaps as much as any other shy male-I imagine the reason it's not frequently mentioned for females is that society has these old cliches that nobody should care about, such as the man ALWAYS having to initiate, etc. which as sheer BS. It doesn't matter who initiates (both sexes should be able to, give then right opportunity/ideal situation), but that's another subject. I think a few ladies above mentioned they are or have been love-shy at some point.
7. How do you deal with your loveshyness? For male loveshys, how do you deal with the contradiction between your condition and society's expected role for us as the "Assertive" gender?
I am not love-shy; however, if you want my advice, don't give a darn about what society says about "assertiveness." Be assertive your own way. Be confident. Be yourself. This doesn't mean that you must be an extrovert. That you must be a jerk, nor arrogant. But you do have to develop your confidence, as I've mentioned before. Be a social introvert-develop human relationship skills, which I am sure you already have, since you are expressing yourself in here. Develop your communication skills, and don't be afraid of ladies romantically (easier said than done, in your particular "love-shy" case.) ALSO, remember that not every lady out there is meant for you-don't feel bad about rejection, etc. It is OK not to be liked, because we are not meant to be loved by everybody in the world, even though, as you say, everybody is beautiful. If somebody says no to you, you are probably better of-BOTH of you, so it's a win-win situation. We can always learn from our mistakes, and it's not always our fault" if somebody rejects us. People may in fact just not be attracted to us, with may have nothing to do with your current love-shyness. All you can do for now besides developing healthy self-love and confidence, is to practice a LOT so you can finally overcome this current love-shy situation. You'll be more assertive in due time, if you work hard at it, but don't worry too much about being "a normal, assertive guy", because you are yourself, and not just "normal."
What worked for me for shyness (general, not just love-shyness) was what I mentioned above. It may not help you at all, but you would be wise to at least considering the benefits of having unshakable confidence, developing an unique sense of self, and working at all your interpersonal skills, day by day. There will be a day in which you'll no longer be love-shy, but you gotta build into it, step by step-it can be done, for I know how shy I used to be, and how I no longer care about exposing myself, despite the fact that I am still very much an introvert.
