INTP X ENTP: The absolutely misunderstood one-night-stand-whatnot.

knucklebunny · Apr 23, 2016

anisedat said:
Yeah, I kinda planned to give him the 'break' he wanted. But how long is too long? 8 weeks? 6 months? Thing is, I can get so aloof and absent-minded, it hurts. I can actually forget to contact someone for months or years. Family members included. I kinda stressed in the message that I'm not pressuring him into anything but assuming that he didn't read it, (although, I was nothing near pissed nor angry nor accusing in the whole thing. I was just stating honest thoughts and solutions. But still, long is long.) maybe the first step would be to apologise for the essay and make a two sentence summary of it :laughing:

Well I'd say go on with your life, and when you feel the desire to connect with him, do it. Let yourself be your INTP self, don't worry about being withdrawn... no long is too long. It's not like after 5 months he'll be like "fuck this girl, she STILL hasn't messaged me?!".

I disagree with @Jamaia about the message about the essay. I say OWN what you did. You had the right to do that, and he knows it. Just forget it. Any apology for that will just seem UGHHHH STILL to him.

For me, if I were this dude, whenever my current occupation goes away (I'm pretty sure that is the case... something else has caught his attention), I think "oh what about that other person...? I wonder what they are up to...? I haven't heard from them in forever... maybe they didn't really like me that much..." and then I will reach out.

So if you can wait a long-ish time, he will likely reach out to you when the time is right for him. Otherwise, if you don't want to wait, I'd give it at least a month.

Haldir · Apr 24, 2016

May I intrude here as the lone male ENTP voice that I've seen so far. I'd say a lot more, but @Eryngo already said most of what I would have said and there is no need for redundancy.

My impression is that he liked you immediately, let the Fe flow., and felt rejected. That's quite a blow for an ENTP In my not-so-humble opinion: his opting for the nuclear option is a reaction to the lackluster response that he received from you.

He's 27. When I was 27 I thought I knew what I wanted and didn't realize that sometimes it takes sticking with it despite obstacles. In other words really giving someone a chance when I saw possibility there - not to mention making life-altering decisions to give it a shot. He's not there, and I don't blame him.

What you're asking of him is to be essentially a hotel manager (because he already thinks that you're not into him, and I know he does) and why would he want to subject himself to that? Add to that a scathing email that is TL;DR and no shit he doesn't want to have to deal with you.

Would you want to invite someone into your house that you know has a propensity to emotionally and intellectually tongue-lash you?

I would add that I agree with @Eryngo that he found someone else and that your presence might create a problem.

All that said, don't de-friend him. Just let him creep back around on his own terms or send a very short (paragraph or less) message occasionally. If he really is into you then you'll hear from him.

Fuckin' INTPs. I love you, but you're so damn difficult.

Haldir · Apr 24, 2016

anisedat said:
Nope. After sex, he told me "I haven't done this for a long time, I don't have a girlfriend" and gave me /that/ look. Yep. Puke-inducing.

Forgot to add: What do you think he meant by "this"? Because INTPs are just as much squirrely wordsmiths as ENTPs are. Just a thought.

Jamaia · Apr 24, 2016

Yeah I thought it's possible he fell for you hard, but since you were less attracted to him and said no to meeting again, and talk about wanting to be friends, he may have felt it is one-sided and needs to end it for his sake.

anisedat · Apr 24, 2016

knucklebunny said:
Well I'd say go on with your life, and when you feel the desire to connect with him, do it. Let yourself be your INTP self, don't worry about being withdrawn... no long is too long. It's not like after 5 months he'll be like "fuck this girl, she STILL hasn't messaged me?!".

I disagree with @Jamaia about the message about the essay. I say OWN what you did. You had the right to do that, and he knows it. Just forget it. Any apology for that will just seem UGHHHH STILL to him.

For me, if I were this dude, whenever my current occupation goes away (I'm pretty sure that is the case... something else has caught his attention), I think "oh what about that other person...? I wonder what they are up to...? I haven't heard from them in forever... maybe they didn't really like me that much..." and then I will reach out.

So if you can wait a long-ish time, he will likely reach out to you when the time is right for him. Otherwise, if you don't want to wait, I'd give it at least a month.

A month or two would be ideal, yeah. I mean, idk if he likes me enough to reach out eventually after breaking things off, since you know, isn't it kinda ego-crushing for guys, specially ENTPs? :laughing:

anisedat · Apr 24, 2016

Haldir said:
May I intrude here as the lone male ENTP voice that I've seen so far. I'd say a lot more, but @Eryngo already said most of what I would have said and there is no need for redundancy.

My impression is that he liked you immediately, let the Fe flow., and felt rejected. That's quite a blow for an ENTP In my not-so-humble opinion: his opting for the nuclear option is a reaction to the lackluster response that he received from you.

He's 27. When I was 27 I thought I knew what I wanted and didn't realize that sometimes it takes sticking with it despite obstacles. In other words really giving someone a chance when I saw possibility there - not to mention making life-altering decisions to give it a shot. He's not there, and I don't blame him.

What you're asking of him is to be essentially a hotel manager (because he already thinks that you're not into him, and I know he does) and why would he want to subject himself to that? Add to that a scathing email that is TL;DR and no shit he doesn't want to have to deal with you.

Would you want to invite someone into your house that you know has a propensity to emotionally and intellectually tongue-lash you?

I would add that I agree with @Eryngo that he found someone else and that your presence might create a problem.

All that said, don't de-friend him. Just let him creep back around on his own terms or send a very short (paragraph or less) message occasionally. If he really is into you then you'll hear from him.

Fuckin' INTPs. I love you, but you're so damn difficult.

Hmmm. Interesting. Thing is I kinda like him, but I don't allow myself to get too attached. That makes me appear kinda aloof, again, typical INTP :laughing: Yeah I'll give him the gap he needed. Although I already mentioned everything in the message (about how sleep-and-go was never really in my intention, I really thinks he's intriguing, etc etc) but assuming that he didn't read it, I'll just summarise it. Is 5 months too long, though?

anisedat · Apr 24, 2016

Haldir said:
Forgot to add: What do you think he meant by "this"? Because INTPs are just as much squirrely wordsmiths as ENTPs are. Just a thought.

This, as in sex.

anisedat · Apr 24, 2016

Jamaia said:
Yeah I thought it's possible he fell for you hard, but since you were less attracted to him and said no to meeting again, and talk about wanting to be friends, he may have felt it is one-sided and needs to end it for his sake.

I'm.... idk if it's insecurities or logic talking, but I don't think he liked me like, THAT much. I mean if he were, he would've make concious efforts to reach out, yes? Well yeah he sort of did (by telling me about the things I left there and chatting me up and wishing me happy birthday, yada yada.) But then he wen't... cold. Just like that. Without warning whatsoever that I was beginning to think that it might be something I did that my INTP instincts would retort to do whatever it takes to fix it.

Jamaia · Apr 24, 2016

anisedat said:
I'm.... idk if it's insecurities or logic talking, but I don't think he liked me like, THAT much. I mean if he were, he would've make concious efforts to reach out, yes? Well yeah he sort of did (by telling me about the things I left there and chatting me up and wishing me happy birthday, yada yada.) But then he wen't... cold. Just like that. Without warning whatsoever that I was beginning to think that it might be something I did that my INTP instincts would retort to do whatever it takes to fix it.

You're 20 so you may not have picked up what @Haldir said about him being 27, but it's not like ENTP 27 is all grown up and acts rationally all times, especially since this was a single male

.

But I think it's up to you, if you want to still pursue a relationship option or not. IMHO even if he is or was painfully in love with you, I don't think this is going too well and maybe giving it some time is best. But other people may come along etc., there's always that.

Parrot · Apr 24, 2016

@anisedat
So my main questions are:
1. What happened inside his brain during the affair and after the affair. Explain this in the most ENTP way possible.
2. Why did he break things off out of the blue.
3. What made him take up the latter decision.
4. How would he normally feel after this. Is there any possibility for reconciliation, platonically or not?
5. WHAT THE FUCK am I supposed to do.

1. He had feelings for you. Those feelings were more like a drug high
2. After not seeing you, for awhile, he got a love hangover, the rush/thrill wasn't there
3. He sounds histrionic
4. Do you need there to be?
5. Unless you need your stuff back, no reason to talk to him again. Pick up your heart, patch it up, and move on.

anisedat · Apr 24, 2016

Jamaia said:
You're 20 so you may not have picked up what @Haldir said about him being 27, but it's not like ENTP 27 is all grown up and acts rationally all times, especially since this was a single male .

But I think it's up to you, if you want to still pursue a relationship option or not. IMHO even if he is or was painfully in love with you, I don't think this is going too well and maybe giving it some time is best. But other people may come along etc., there's always that.

INTPs are... old spirited owls. No matter how old we are, we expect people to think and come up with solutions the way we do (they don't :laughing: ) I'm open to possibilities, but yeah. This.... distraction thing, it will pass. And maybe the time will come when he's ready and I'll try to approach it with slightly more FJ ways lol. He's been single for pretty long, though. Maybe years. He told me he doesn't get to meet people a lot because he's so busy and kinda goes around. We both never really settle in one place, except this time we happen to have been living in our respective cities for several good years. But I kinda only have 3 years before I have to move somewhere else again. So there's that. EDIT: IF god forbid we reconcile, moving there after the 3 years period is possible.

anisedat · Apr 24, 2016

Drunk Parrot said:
1. He had feelings for you. Those feelings were more like a drug high
2. After not seeing you, for awhile, he got a love hangover, the rush/thrill wasn't there
3. He sounds histrionic
4. Do you need there to be?
5. Unless you need your stuff back, no reason to talk to him again. Pick up your heart, patch it up, and move on.

:rolling:
Never really expected that coming from a 27 year old ENTP.

Regarding number 4, well, it was kind of a bummer, losing someone who gets this INTP just like that. I know that's a common problem for us, since we're so aloof it hurts. If we can't be romantically or sexually related, at least we can still communicate to each other. Of course, if that's not a problem for ENTPs. It's not like I'm having a fallout with an ISFJ or something. That I can get by in less than 2 minutes.

Parrot · Apr 24, 2016

anisedat said:
:rolling:
Never really expected that coming from a 27 year old ENTP.

Regarding number 4, well, it was kind of a bummer, losing someone who gets this INTP just like that. I know that's a common problem for us, since we're so aloof it hurts. If we can't be romantically or sexually related, at least we can still communicate to each other. Of course, if that's not a problem for ENTPs. It's not like I'm having a fallout with an ISFJ or something. That I can get by in less than 2 minutes.

Yep, just turned 27 yesterday.

My point is it sounds like it sucks, he broke your heart, and now you gotta move on. You do yourself no favors by holding on to him.

And now that you're over him, maybe you can find yourself a new ENTP playtoy? :wink: Perhaps you can show up to the formal http://personalitycafe.com/member-polls/827481-announcement-perc-formal-invitation.html and find yourself swept up off your feet again. After all, sounds like you're willing to travel.

anisedat · Apr 24, 2016

Drunk Parrot said:
Yep, just turned 27 yesterday.

My point is it sounds like it sucks, he broke your heart, and now you gotta move on. You do yourself no favors by holding on to him.

And now that you're over him, maybe you can find yourself a new ENTP playtoy? :wink: Perhaps you can show up to the formal http://personalitycafe.com/member-polls/827481-announcement-perc-formal-invitation.html and find yourself swept up off your feet again. After all, sounds like you're willing to travel.

seriously though, does he have any reason to be histrionic on the first place? I was sending him an INTP analytical essay, not a heart-stabbing ENTJ letter :laughing: But nah, I might refrain myself from dating these days. The INTP celibacy is a real thing, bro. Besides, I like ENFJs, but they're like unicorns.

But if he ever reaches back, idk what I'm gonna do then. I mean, it's like an experiment in which I actually like the subject but nonetheless would still be fine if the subject jumps out of the puddle

))

Parrot · Apr 24, 2016

@anisedat There's no reason for anyone to be histrionic, but it happens. I'm just saying the behavior sounds bizarre and I don't see how it's in your benefit to wait for him.

anisedat · Apr 24, 2016

Drunk Parrot said:
@anisedat There's no reason for anyone to be histrionic, but it happens. I'm just saying the behavior sounds bizarre and I don't see how it's in your benefit to wait for him.

Idk, I'm just intrigued, that's the INTP side, maybe the 'coping' method is something I should ask in the INTP thread after lunch later

) besides, I hate losing people from uncertain grounds. The ones that leave questions. That tend to fry our brains. If I'm having a massive fallout in which I spew curses and deliberately declare enemies with the other person, or if I'm the one who's initiating the fallout, then I wouldn't even poke it with a 10 foot pole.

Necrofantasia · Apr 24, 2016

Dude, just delete him. All you're doing is getting worked up over a flake, a flake that is 7 years older. You got attached, sex biologically triggers attachment, you're not fooling anyone.

You're even planning for a move that simply won't happen. Delete and forget, what you're doing is introvert-style rumination when he stone cold does not give a fuck and is likely fucking someone else as you keep wasting your mind's real estate on him, it's not worth it.
He didn't even offer to mail you your stuff and maybe even threw it away. Not a considerate person.

Cut your losses and move on

Haldir · Apr 24, 2016

anisedat said:
Hmmm. Interesting. Thing is I kinda like him, but I don't allow myself to get too attached. That makes me appear kinda aloof, again, typical INTP :laughing: Yeah I'll give him the gap he needed. Although I already mentioned everything in the message (about how sleep-and-go was never really in my intention, I really thinks he's intriguing, etc etc) but assuming that he didn't read it, I'll just summarise it. Is 5 months too long, though?

I think you need to just chalk this one up and call it a day. You're 20. Who gives a shit? You got laid and that was that. Move on with your life. You'll have many more opportunities to have a sincere relationship,

Haldir · Apr 24, 2016

Jamaia said:
But I think it's up to you, if you want to still pursue a relationship option or not. IMHO even if he is or was painfully in love with you, I don't think this is going too well and maybe giving it some time is best. But other people may come along etc., there's always that.

Agreed, @Jamaia . Everything about this sounds like an absolute trainwreck to me. I'm kind of questioning whether or not we're being trolled.

Jamaia · Apr 24, 2016

@Haldir, your posts seem to end mid-sentence. Edit: Or not, I thought they were but now they're not. Maybe I really have to let the Firefox go.

INTP X ENTP: The absolutely misunderstood one-night-stand-whatnot.

knucklebunny

Haldir

Haldir

Jamaia

anisedat

anisedat

anisedat

anisedat

Jamaia

Parrot

anisedat

anisedat

Parrot

anisedat

Parrot

anisedat

Necrofantasia

Haldir

Haldir

Jamaia

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