1. Both sides are real
2. ENFPs (in my experience) are attracted to kindness, competence/talent/ingenuity and depth
3. Don't try to second guess them too much, they are Te users, they are fairly blunt and will likely tell you what they think. No second/hidden layer of info.
4. They are expert-level readers when it comes to intent/emotion
5 They value openness and sincerity.

That's all I got. Best of luck!!

@NIHM thoughts?

 

I think that it’s the mood more so than hiding oneself (in regards with people seeing two side of an enfp )
I am always myself - if I’m more playful/humorous it’s likely the person /group I’m around brought that side out of me. Opening up or sharing deep one on one conversations happens naturally- many time people mistaken that we’re closer than we actually are due to the information I shared about myself ( I’m an open book)but the moment I found out someone wanted to get closer to me , I’ll try my best to reciprocate.
Most Ne dom are ambiverts - which means there are days/weeks where I prefer to be alone and want to be alone, fi processes it’s emotions/inner thoughts alone , Ne chases ideas/possibilities more than people ( so people may or may not be involved) so it’s not that I’m trying to be more introverted ( I do withdraw ).

I appear most outgoing/talkative to introvert first impression wise bc it takes you guys longer to warm up /feel comfortable, however I feel like I’m calmer and more tranquil than most people I know , my husband who’s quiet around everyone can be extremely hyper around me lol .


I’m married to a Ti dom ( same dom function as intp) : )

I would advice to be your natural self - the moment you feel comfortable, I’ll feel more comfortable around you…I enjoy laughing .
I do find Intp to be very peculiar and great conversationalist( the ones that I’m close with ). I tend to connect with other Np type in real life .
Light joke /banter - genuine compliments goes a long way .
It’s hard for me to reach out to anyone ( I don’t like making the first move - but maybe that’s me ). I would say simple text like good morning /good night or random questions /trivia /riddles ( love asking and answering questions) would capture my attention.
If you can make an enfp laugh and feel connected - you’re on the right track

@NIHM and @Llyralen could probably provide better insights


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Well the first thing I read that was incorrect about me [we're all individuals so I can't say if this is for other ENFPs], that we act on purpose shyness with an introvert than an extrovert. The inaccuracy of the statement for me was that we are aware of the intentions of displaying a muted self around others. I do not deliberately change the way I act around someone [shy], unless they are the below but even though I've noticed this pattern that I do it's not done intentionally :

1. MORE extroverted than me, and not less. I tend to be not as talkative around someone that wants to dominate the conversation. I had several ESFJS at my office that have thought I was introverted because I'm nice but more toned down with them. It's probably because [some not all] they get the annoyed face and want to be the one talking. I also lean more introverted than most ISFJs I meet. An introverted person, I might be extremely bubbly with and if I find out they're an INTP might be excited to talk about a plethora of stem subjects 😅.

2. The person tries to engage my feelings. Ouff, if this happens I might go shy if I like them or tone down my friendliness if I find out they have a crush on me and it's not a two-way feeling.

3. Quiet and cold around someone I can't stand and I find abusive. I can become an ISTJ in a stressful situation. I will be more organized, clean, and work efficiently to outdo the other person but seething in rage mode inside trying to avoid a conflict with them but I become cold and very quiet.

The first rule about me I will always be myself. No person is one-sided and bubbly 24/7. Whether someone gets the bubbly me, the muted me, or the cold version depends on the time of month [hormones], or how they interact it will always be my authentic version. I don't lie and I'm very blunt about my observations. We're human beings and therefore capable of a lot of emotions and depth just like any other human. I think it goes more in line with that society has labeled bubbly people as less in-depth and are shocked that we have other sides to us like we're some Mary Sue characters. The first rule about the MBTI: humans are capable of a lot of emotions and thoughts no matter what preferences they pick and how to communicate those external and internal.

Again human beings are very complex, no one will ever be one-sided. I'm very real and authentic in whatever emotions or behavior you view. If someone thinks we're one-note characters then that's on them.

Humm a better way to explain would be an engine. I prefer to idol on the positive side, this is my preference for my everyday interaction. I will always be about 80% this way with anyone whether I know them well and they're the love of my life/partner OR a stranger. Happy-go-lucky self is whom I idol at. Like a car, the idle speed should feel consistent without skipping or slipping. In most of today's cars, an idle speed of 600 to 1000 rpms is average. If your car is idling rough, though, it won't feel smooth. If it's idling low it could be bad too and won't feel smooth. For me I idol at a happy-go-lucky point. I do this most of the day. If an outside reaction happens like being placed in a stressful environment my idol won't be perfect. When I'm at work I have to fit in with a lot of different personalities to make work easier for the eight hours I'm there. I try to make each day pleasant for others and myself so I can idol along not being stressed.

I still will have reactions or slightly change my idol to an observable pattern but I will always reset to my idol happy go lucky behavior because it's very real and authentic for me.

 

This was a bit of a convoluted analysis, makes it hard for me to break it down but I'll try a few points.

1) I don't get excited or happygolucky just coz I met someone new. But I do have light hearted conversations with people and deeper with others, which depends on the others and what they offer back.
2) I don't behave less friendly to get along with introverts, (why would that work anyways?) I don't change my friendliness based on that to begin with. Whether or not I'm friendly with someone depends on the dynamic we have.
3) I like to talk about ideas the most which is fairly easy and comfortable with other Ns so that's where I recommend you lean to. What makes me most comfortable in this is when my interlocutor has a similarly exploratory attitude, not looking to draw conclusions or prescriptions necessarily, which allows to talk about more controversial stuff or just do stream of consciousness type discussions. I'll only get excited about people if they can offer me this sort of relationship, which is rare.
4) I do tend to lead by example in many things esp when I wanna do stuff, so I agree with that.
5) I wouldn't summarize me as being "positive", in fact I've been through depression and have struggled with anxiety all my life and I've lost people fairly young which just gives life lessons many people don't get at such ages. That being said for having dealt with such problems I am indeed quite a positive and life-loving person. Probably why I have dealt with some of that better than other people I know. Still, I don't think I would summarize it as being positive because I don't think my demeanor is like that, it brings to mind very different type of people. I don't think I've accidentally tricked people into thinking I'm into them just coz I'm friendly or smth either, at least not to my knowledge.
6) I don't pretend I'm shy, I've had social anxiety for a long time so if I'm shy it's real. I'm surprised for some of those things you say like this one, where do they come from?

Your post is very focused on some social behavioral aspects based on sociability but that's the least of what's important imo, I don't care for people as much as I do for ideas, which more often than not hurts my socialization rather than helps it, especially IRL, I'm not a social butterfly. I just like having conversations that are intellectually stimulating, open-ended and more often about the outside world than me or my feelings especially in the beginning until we get more comfortable. Sharing interests, hobbies and activities also greatly helps a friendship (or more) to form, in general but also with ENFP. So imo if she's ENFP that's where you should focus on rather than analyze our social skill to death. My longest relationship has been with INTP and this pair can work so just focus on your strengths and display those to the ENFP. Which can include initiating conversations not with small talk but more idea-talk, I wish more people did that. If she's really ENFP she'll prob appreciate it a lot.

 

I just thought about something.

One it's very hard for me to fall for people in general. It takes forever for me to actually crush on someone because I'm missing the primary point that most normal people use to gain attraction. I do not have any attraction to the way someone looks so I have to build that attraction over time. My brain is also very practical about love.

I have never [currently] 100% [currently] ever been attracted to someone I work with. The idea of dating a person I work with brings into what-if nightmare scenarios. What if we break up, 70% of relationships don't even make it past the first year. That is an actual statistical fact. I try to make my work environment stress-free because I'm there eight hours a day. If I dated someone in a job I thought was amazing it would give the potential for me to become stressed out at work if our relationship did not work out.

Just something to keep in mind. Asking her out when she is a work colleague is kind of... off-putting to me. I would be very sure about her before making this move, you will inevitably cause her stress if she does not return your feelings. It's kind of unfair to her. But those are my what-if thoughts wanting to protect an ENFP.

 

I dated plenty of colleagues at work.
Nothing super bad happened.
Just depends on the people, not the fact you’re colleagues…
I knew going in they were good people and I have nothing malicious I wanted to inflict upon them and exactly as I hypothesised, after the break up, we were mature about it…

 

I don’t know any ENFPs who value ourselves for our energy in a group, I agree with you on that. I value feeling passionately about the things that I feel passionate about, though, and I value being enthusiastic, but how it affects others is only partially my business. I try to be semi-mindful of how I affect others, just to make sure I’m not stepping on people’s toes. Some people need attention a lot more than I do. But a lot of the time I don’t want to worry about that and just want to give myself permission that if a subject falls on what I’m interested in that I go ahead. Sometimes the room is awkward and if I feel confident, I will start asking questions and getting people to shine. None of this is memorable or very valuable to me except that I value and remember the things I find out people are passionate about and I value my own kindness and my compassion for the awkwardness. Actually, I treasure what people share with me about their lives and that they felt safe to share with me when it’s authentic and real and personal.

I remember back when I first took the official MBTI test as part of a managerial class and found out I am an ENFP, there were these managerial style descriptions : “People often perceive ENFPs as monopolizing a conversation more than the ENFP actually does.” I have watched this be true. Even for me, watching other ENFPs. It’s our enthusiasm. Even just a passing (and even humorous) remark from us seems charged with energy. I think the effects of it is not what we are trying for. We are just being ourselves— and a lot of us are semi-conscious of needing or wanting to give space to others and not come across like we are monopolizing conversation. However, if the subject is really something I’m passionate about, then I will likely speak up. I hold back, but I’m not going to completely hold back. I don’t really like talking in a group that much, personally. I feel like on a one on one I can find out if other people actually also feel passionately about the same thing themselves. I am a person who doesn’t need much attention from a group, but I feel passionately about many things. My energy taking up space in a room and other people’s needs to shine can be an interesting thing to try to manage— and sometimes I don’t feel like it’s fair for me to worry about. Sometimes I get curious, though, especially if I feel like I’m asking most of the questions so that other people feel recognized. If I stop talking then I will know what the response to my own role has been— whether the lights seem to go out of the room or it immediately gets awkward or whether someone seems very very grateful to tell a story that maybe they felt they couldn’t before and then I know they were annoyed as hell at my passionate energy. So it depends on the group and also how comfortable I feel. What I’m really looking for is if anybody wanted to try to recognize others at that moment and shine a spot light around like I try to OR tried to alleviate the awkwardness in some way. And I will be grateful if anyone wants to go talk one-on-one (if it is appropriate) but people’s needs in a group seem strange to me. All I want is to get to DEEP subjects as long as it’s not going to offend anyone.

I don’t like or want to take over. I want to continue to be my authentic self. I like for the feelings to be mutual and reciprocaL. I can manage a more reciprocal relationship and find out other things people are passionate about better on a one on one.

One thing I will say with confidence about all the ENFPs who I know—- we like DEEP conversations and we like to hear what people are passionate about.

Sorry this is repetitive. I started re-writing it several times is why due to not having a chunk of time and now I have to run!

 

I swear you must have read one of my posts because it sounds like you learned everything you know about ENFPs based on things I've posted. In any case this is exactly how I behave to a scary degree of accuracy.

I think there is a 30:70 rule to how I engage with my favourite introverts- I tend not to get ultimately close (or to find attractive) people who initiate more than I do.. BUT there is a line where they can be TOO introverted and it's just too much work and there isn't enough substance to grasp hold of..

So if 30% of interactions you initiate (let's say 20-40%) that's kind of a really good zone for attraction. That's in the beginning though- the closer you get and start dating you want to push that up to 35-50% really. If you are lower than that I would suggest making a bit of an effort to help and create encouragement, any more than that and you probably just naturally aren't my type.

I think the best thing that works on me, is just to be chill. If it's very early on, be laid back and they will probably get around to being curious about you by default if they see from afar that your mind works in a way that is interesting to them.

Being ACCEPTING of the way their mind works and understanding them is probably the biggest turn on, particularly if you are able to add and reciprocate. For example, if I am getting quite a good vibe with you I will test you by making off hand "next level" jokes that 80% of people won't understand, like a "deep cut" type of joke (I guess you could call it a heavily "intuitive dominant" kind of joke) and if you get it then I feel more connected to you. Similarly I may offer my take on a situation, and it WILL be a nuanced intuitive sort of take on the situation that most people wouldn't have which goes way beyond the obvious, if you can resonate with that and even better bounce it back at me then you are absolutely in.

The final test I guess would be how many of my idiosyncrasies can you take, and if I am vulnerable with you initially (i.e. complaining about things in a genuine way is actually my way of being initially vulnerable) how well can you mesh with this- pass that test too and you are WAY in.

 

i thought of you when reading the OP. Glad you posted!

 

Hi, so I like this ENFP girl and I don't know how to get close to her, I'm INTP.

From what I read ENFPs basically have 2 sides, or 2 clocks if you will: They have a "fun" / "surface" side which pretty much runs immediately the moment they meet someone (very different from INTP in this regard). And then they have a "connection" / "bonding" / "comfort" side which can take 10-20x as long. But this is their "real" side, the depth, and the reason ENFP feel often more bonded with introverts (despite them being very extroverted themselves) than outgoing people.

This can create some discordance or miscomunications for the ENFP. These 2 sides run far out of concordance with each other and they may create a feeling of disconnect where they stop communicaitng with someone on the say "fun" / "surface" side they used because it starts to feel unauthentic when they go too far with someone.

And by contrast, because of their outgoing nature, other people start to believe they are more connected than the ENFP actually believes.

I have heard ENFPs trying to artificually behave less friendly than they actually are so that they can connect better with an introvert. As introverts usually believe ENFP has a much better time with the extroverts than the introverts but this is not the case. Some even said to pretend to be shyer for a while than they actually are to match their second "connection" / "bonding" / "comfort" side with introverts.

As an introvert and INTP I think I can do exactly that. The only question how? take me with baby steps as INTP aren't really good at opening up and bringing "depth".

All my friends, have said that they were the ones who initiated friendship with me, it would not have happened otherwise, and I have to agree, it's not that I'm bad, my skill is non-existant, so how do I basically... do this? explain like you would explain to a 5 years old because that's probably my skill level but I'm actually 31.

I can have depth, I can discuss about a lot of profound things either emotionally or intellectually once someone else brings it in and I just join, it's just that, I can't bring in "depth talks".

I'm very bad at being the initiator, and in this case I have to be the initiator. So how do I do that?

As an ENFP, how would you like to be approached? with baby steps if possible.

I'm going to get a bit off-topic here and make it as a personal response of the ENFP issues. I don't think you realise the power of your "fun" / "surface" side. I think this is a side effect of being ENFP. ENFPs are the most introverted extroverts.

ENFPs "fun" / "surface" side is amazing and what makes people drawn to you. That you're invigorated by the enthusiasm and excitement of meeting someone new.

Not all types are like that, you may take that "fun" / "surface" side of invigorated by the enthusiasm and excitement of meeting someone new as something normal (really underplay its value), normal to your nature, but that's more like "bonding" for other types, this is how I think you end up in situations where "we are connecting more than I actually feel is true".

Because they took that for "bonding", you took that for simply being invigorated by the enthusiasm and excitement of meeting someone new.

ENFPs have some really cool perks when it comes to that "fun" / "surface" side. They can also be very deep thus the other side and them being the most introverted of the extroverted types.

And I think this really describes the ENFP: the most introverted of the extroverted types.

But when it comes to the fun" / "surface" side, I think you may underestimate it. ENFPs can be very inspirational, ENFPs are "The Inspirational" type TM. Even their title says that. Naruto is the most ENFP anime out there, and in fact, Naruto is "The Inspirational TM".

And the cool thing about ENFPs is that they motivate you by action, by example, by just doing what they should be doing and infecting you in the process. Their motivation is sort of organic.

This - they motivate you by action, by example, by just doing what they should be doing and infecting you in the process - cannot be understated how cool it is. You really are a gift to the world.

Sort of, wanting you to make you do it. Rather than telling you to do it.

That's the type of motivation of the ENFP.

I would summarize them in 1 word as "positive".

Like, if an ENFP has an issue, he usually accepts it, but doesn't try to let it affect him. This is different from denial or ignoring the problem. But rather, acknowledging that the problem is there, but not letting this stop me from doing this other thing.

ENFP used: "I don't try to let it affect me"
it's supper effective

So I would summarize ENFPs in 1 word as "positive", but not "positive psychology" and all that, like real "positive".

I like how they are never down.

Even when they are down they are not really down.

Very damn vibrant ENFPs. INFPs usually struggle with depression and opening up, but when you meet an assertive INFP, very damn vibrant, like ENFP. But in a more softer introverted 'motherly/caretaker' way. Where as ENFPs are more in a 'fun out there in the moment enjoying the action' way, that's not to say they aren't 'motherly' but not to the extent of the INFP.

I think is the power of your "fun" / "surface" side that creates discordance and miscommunications, because it gives people just too much expectations of you. You give BFF vibes, where in reality you're just being ENFP.

So keeping the "fun" / "surface" side starts to feel unauthentic when it goes too far. Is this because:
a) A lot of time has passed since you first met, so you find it unproper to behave like it's the first time you met them again.
b) They start to believe you two are connecting more than you actually feel is true, which makes you feel uncomfortable.

Well, you are just giving ENFP vibes and they took the bait. That's why they feel that way. And that's why you feel this way in return (And that's what I probably feel now). They don't understand that it's not that personal, as it is for them, and you are just that way generally.

Funny how in my experience ENFPs always had a thing for introverts despite them themselves being extroverts, it's something about that 2nd side that makes them ticking. Like, sure, they are very good with the 1st side, but it's the 2nd side that they are really interested in.

They want the 2nd side but are good with the 1st side. Maybe that's the weakness of ENFP.

In the becoming more artificaly introverted solution. I can sort of see the argument, but I don't think you are the problem here. I'm an introvert, and I have absolutely 0% issue if my extroverted friends are very extroverted with extroverted people. I don't take that as an issue on my side. Or as a lack of connection with them. Because I know that those extroverted interactions are more superficial than they actually are. So I'm feeling pretty reassured in our "depth" despite them talking to other extroverted people.

But I can see how that jealousy would work. "artificial alterations in my behaviour such as either being less friendly with people if an introvert I want to connect with is around" seems like a good plan, the equivalent of holding a sign saying "I'M NOT A TREAT" to an introvert because you want that 2nd side.

I giggled at the idea that what ENFPs find to be somewhat effective is to pretend to be shyer for a while in new environments with people to match their second side because only an ENFP could have the issue of "having to pretend being more shy than I actually am so I can connect with introverts". Yeah, it's a good strategy, it's the weird situation itself that made me giggle.

In what ways it can confuse people, and that can really cost you at times.

My opinion, as an introvert, is that an introvert should not feel "intimidated" by an extrovert being extrovert, that's just him doing his own thing. But I can see how this is one of those cases perfect in theory flawed in practice, so in practice what you're doing I think is good because indeed trying to appear more shy and introverted than you actually are will encourage introverts to talk to you. It makes you feel like a 'safer space', despite you being equally 'safe' both when you're extroverted and introverted.

You sort of adapt to the atmosphere of the room so to speak.

What ENFP really like in my opinion is when people realise and notice the "charm" exterior but stay for the "introverted" interior that they really feel they operate at.

Essentially, that's when they feel the closest to people, and most understood, when people notice the "charm" exterior but stay for the "introverted" interior.

Probably a definite requirement for a permanent partner too. Possibly ENFPs start to try to "test" people with more honesty about themselves to filter through who is just there for the fairy lights vs who might be there because they see the deeper side.

In fact, probably by being honest about their true side at a certain point, the ENFP can see who stays and who leaves. Those who stay can gain "next stage" access, those who leave aren't valuable to them anyway as they were only staying for the fairy lights not because they see the deeper side.

I know this sounds very good in theory, but like all INTP things, is the practice where it kills me. So what do you think would be the best steps to implement this in practice? please be as in depth and in detail as you would like to be, if there's something you wonder whether I would get it or not get it without saying it, I would probably not get it.

Thank you!
https://www.personalitycafe.com/geometry dash subzero

My recommendation is that you just be yourself; as soon as you do, I'll feel more at ease in your company.The act of laughter is one that I find enjoyable.
The Intps I know and love are fascinating individuals and excellent chat partners. In my daily life, I gravitate towards other Nps.

 

Hi, so I like this ENFP girl and I don't know how to get close to her, I'm INTP.

From what I read ENFPs basically have 2 sides, or 2 clocks if you will:

Impressive analysis!

Here are my two bits:
INTP/m can be a great partner for ENFP/f because you can put up with their meanderings and general lack of follow-through. You are "chill" like that. As "bachelor couples" you will do well. Your rationality will make her comfortable. So, yes, it can work.

But I am going to play Devil's Advocate and bring up some red flags. My question is, do you want to enroll for this? And if so, you are going in with your eyes open!

1. The Tert_Te Support: INTP cannot really support ENFP because the latter needs structure and processes around her to truly grow. Your chaos and her chaos are all very convenient initially, but a 'house' won't run like that. At least, won't run very well. Both may blame the other for not taking the trash out. Eventually, the ENFP (with her Tert_Te) will do the bulk of the maintenance tasks and will blame you for the drudgery of her life. Can you consistently keep up with the mundane tasks of everyday life and do it happily?
2. The Tert_Si Support: This problem is worsened by the fact that INTP need routine and stable processes at home as he grows older and older. He will value it tremendously later (even if he pooh-poohs it when young). The ENFP's Achilles' heel is that nasty Si. Again, a really painful clash of expectations that neither can meet for the other person without feeling grudges.
3. Fe/Fi Values Clash: While the INTP would be perfectly fine with the ENFP's rebellious streak of not wanting to align with society's norms, he is also likely to be easily embarrassed by it. Difference between theory and actuality. In theory, the INTP doesn't care; in fact, he does.
4. Ti/Te Priorities Clash: The INTP will want clarity of thought. The ENFP will want clarity of plan. The INTP can't plan well - and routinely make mistakes or just postpone planning to the last minute. This leaves the ENFP feeling very unprotected and vulnerable.

You won't realize it initially, but real life is the hard yards between the ages of 30 and 60. The asks are very real here. Can you both stand up and deliver?

 

Even though I tend to be an optimist in relationships (possibly due to the E9 distaste for separation) your points ring true and are great points to consider going in. Looking forward to your future posts.

 

You sidle up to her and start saying the following...

You see me blowing you a kiss
It doesn't take a scientist
To understand what's goin' on baby
It's just
A little crush
Not like I faint
Every time we touch
It's just
Some little thing
Not like eeeeverything I do depends on you

 

I would seriously be creeped out by that. lol