[Raichan]

Difficult and intense.

 

[Dreamer]

thanks @Aelthwyn. Good post. Thanks ^_^ :crazy:

 

[Mumbo Jumbo]

Probably the least compatible type to the INFP (imo), but as always, I'm sure there are a few great ones out there.

Personally, I find it very unlikely to be able to have a romantic relationship with one. ISTJ's are usually (not always!) very intolerant, not in touch with their feelings, they lack empathy, they don't like abstractions, are opppressive, are uncreative, they have very fixed opinions, don't like to take risks in just about any aspect of life and they can be very competitive. What I like about them: they're very dependable, respect privacy (they're typically loners as well) and are the best bookkeepers in the world.

 

[PrinceinExile]

Any type a work well together, I have two friends who were in a relationship for 3 years and are still best friends. They are an ENFJ and an ISTP if that can work out anything can.

 

[Dreamer]

Thanks to you as well! Just wondering, because this person put on their profile they are an ISTJ and I was wondering how well we would be matched together since they took an interest in me. I presumed it would be bad, because they just about complete opposites N-S T-F P-J etc. Haha.

 

[vel]

Depends on the individual ISTJ and INFP involved. In socionics this realtionship is classed as that of activity or activation (Activation - Wikisocion). These relations are generally attractive. If you look at cognitive functions of your type and of ISTJs have all functions in common, so you are like same type only ISTJs are using the part of it that you rarely use for yourself. ISTJ: Si-Te-Fi-Ne INFP: Fi-Ne-Si-Te notice would Fi/Ne and Si/Te are simply re-arranged.

INFPs generally get attracted to ISTJs and INTJs. How it works out though depends on the individuals involved. Clearly if INFP is very emotionally volatile or ISTJ is too controlling or aggressive it isn't going to work well. But if they are both balanced then it can be a good relationship :happy:

... I presumed it would be bad, because they just about complete opposites N-S T-F P-J etc. Haha.

You should match the functions not the letters Each letter in four-letter profile doesn't represent the same thing. For example your F in INFP stands for Fi or introverted feeling while my F in INFJ stands for Fe or extraverted feeling. J and P actually don't stand for any functions at all! Generally you will have more understanding with types who share 2 or 4 of your functions with you. You may attract those who have your dominant Fi or auxiliary Ne as their tertiary or inferior.

 

[Mumbo Jumbo]

These relations are generally attractive.

INFPs generally get attracted to ISTJs

Is that your assumption based on theory or are there actually studies that prove this (not that I'm particularly interested in them)? 'Generally' is a strong word, you know.

The vast majority of INFP and ISTJ internet users I've come across so far, would lead me to the conclusion that a relationship between said types is extremely difficult and doesn't usually work out. My own experiences confirm this as well.

 

[kkellyy15]

One of my closest friends was an ESTJ. The friendship was very one sided (she was controlling and not very accepting) and it eventually stopped working. Though we have cleared things up now and we do talk on occasion, we still find it hard to see eye to eye on things.

 

[Alberiana]

ISTJ is my worst nightmare gone further wrong.

 

[Lav]

INFP and ISTJ should be a decent match, although INFPs are better paired with ESTPs, and ISTJs with ENFJs (I'm basing this on socionics personality theory). But all these little labels don't mean much since a successful relationship is fundamented in many other factors.

 

[Mooselord911]

I'm sure somewhere out there, an INFP and an ISTJ are very happy together <3

But I would imagine that they are the rare exception. I have a friend who is an ISTJ. We have been friends for awhile, so I've gotten to know him pretty well. And through the years have been many times I would have wanted to wring his neck, had society not frowned upon it. I know the friendship dynamic is different from the relationship one. But even so, I don't see them working well together.

 

[Aelthwyn]

( This is a little aside that doesn't have anything to do with the topic of the thread

'Generally' is a strong word, you know.

not meaning any real criticism here, but I just had to chuckle at this because it strikes me as soooo typical INFP. We have this horror of stating almost anything in a definate manner, so much so, that we are very aware of the differing levels of ambiguous words like this! I was actually debating over this very thing in some other recent post that I can't remember right now, trying to figure out just how not certain of my statements I am while still communicating how much I think it really is right, but without outright saying something that might be wrong or that might offend someone.....so which level of "mostly" do I want to use? Certainly not 'all' but should I throw in a 'seems like' in front of an 'all', or would 'overall' work? or perhaps I should use 'most'. No that's too strong still, how about 'many' yes that's better, but maybe it would be more accurate to just say 'a lot'. Or how about Often vs. Frequently - which is stronger? I wonder to myself as I try to pick out words. heheh. Ok end of my little aside

 

[Aelthwyn]

Also, I don't think a lot of INFPs would be naturally attracted to ISTJs, but I can see possible reasons for this to happen.

I think security is something that many INFPs are looking for, and find difficult to find on their own. The steady dependability of an ISTJ could therefore look very attractive, at least at first. Later on this same dependability might seem to make life very boring in the eyes of the INFP, not because they actually desire a little risk, but because of the routines that are often inseperable from dependability. Also, for an INFP who probably attracts a lot of emotionally needy people with their empathy, a T who isn't looking for a sholder to cry on, and who probably presents a much more consistant face to the world every day, can be a real reliefe. Again, later on the INFP may become hurt or exasperated with the apparent lack of emotion, or inability to deal with emotional outbursts in an empathetic manner.

It seems most likely to me that most INFPs will sense a dischordant wavelength going on between them and any ISTJ fairly early on which will lead them to be wary of entering into a romantic relationship with them, even if they respect and like the person very much.

As with any relationship, it depends on the individuals, and on their maturity and commitment to making the relationship work. The key question is always "are these differences I can really live with all the time? or are they ones that would kill me over a long period of time?" There will always be differences and difficulties in relationships, but each individual has to determine what things they can't learn to live with and what things they can. Sometimes it's very small differences which turn out to be intollerable, and sometimes very big differences are still workable.

 

[vel]

Is that your assumption based on theory or are there actually studies that prove this (not that I'm particularly interested in them)? 'Generally' is a strong word, you know.

The vast majority of INFP and ISTJ internet users I've come across so far, would lead me to the conclusion that a relationship between said types is extremely difficult and doesn't usually work out. My own experiences confirm this as well.

No it is not my assumption. I posted a link to Wikisocion if you read my reply carefully again. This is their classification of the relationship between any two types who use exactly same arrangement of functions as ISTJs and INFPs do. Socionics is a branch of Psychometrics. People who are involved in this branch of study of course don't pull their conclusions out of thin air but base them on observations of real behaviors as well as experiments. There is also a lot of literature, books and and journals devoted to this field. Though as you probably know psychology lags behind physical science in area of experimentation because of ethical concerns of doing experiments on human beings.

Even though you stated that you are not interested in seeing any studies as I'm guessing you concluded that you just don't get along with ISTJs, you may find this interesting. There are a bunch of references to studies and publications that concern MBTI: mbti - Google Scholar

The word "generally" implies frequency. It doesn't mean that your friendship or relationship will work out 100% of the time. "Initial attraction" also means just that - initial attraction. What it doesn't mean is "you will live happily ever after" or "you'll be best buddies forever and ever". Internet and a few of your personal experiences also are not really solid proof. My personal judgement is yes, there exists some kind of attraction between INFPs and IxTJs. If you observe the IxTJ forums for a couple of months you will notice that relationships between them and INFPs or ENFPs are mentioned in high frequency there. No they don't always work out, some become good friends and great relations, others turn into horror stories. This is because besides MBTI there are many other factors that contribute to relationship success.

 

[starflower]

Once my XSTJ husband learned to accept me for who I am, and once I learned to accept him for who he is, we have had a very happy marriage. This is a very recent development, and we'll see how long it lasts. I am not sure why I was attracted to him. He was like one of my special ones. I don't know why I feel the way I feel for certain people. Anyway, we've been married 15 years. It works out great because he keeps track of all the important papers and legal stuff that I would totally lose. He has stopped expecting an immaculate house. Funny that once he stopped expecting it, it was easier for me to keep the house at least somewhat cleaner. I take care of the emotional needs of the children and remind him to read to the kids and things. Meh, I don't know what I really contribute to the marriage, but somehow it works. Maybe because I worship him. :laughing:

 

[gaudy316]

ISTJ + INFP... I don't recommend it to myself.

I have had several ISTJ friends, both male and female. With an ISTJ roommate, things got pretty awkward during the middle of the semester. We stopped getting along. He's too clean and organized. And I couldn't bring friends over. Also had a lot of mental tension.

More recently, I have an ISTJ female friend that's a few years junior to me. We're about 3 years apart. She's very cute and is a virgin until marriage. She also never had a boyfriend. Those qualities are very attractive - age, values, and even cute. However, it's her lack of energy, lack of imagination, and lack of passion that puts our relationship where it is - friendship. I dare not bring this relationship to the dating or more intimate level.

The cold nature of the ISTJ is probably the biggest turn-off for me personally.

 

[Sliver]

I have an ISTJ friend. He thinks we have a really great relationship, but I'm not really so sure about it. He's constantly negative and critical, and being around him drains me faster than normal social situations. He's a nice guy, though. Don't get me wrong.

Also, when I found the MBTI personality thing the first time, I was absolutely enthralled by it. It felt fantastic to know that there were other people similar to me, and I loved the idea that everyone is connected. When I made him do it though, he said he disliked "being put into neat little boxes" and was upset that he "wasn't as unique as he thought he was."

I just wish we could see eye-to-eye more D;

 

[Dreamer]

Needless to say, this guy turned out to be a nasty jerk over night. :|

 

[slownumbers81]

I dated an ISTJ and we got along pretty well, yes. We made each other laugh often, and were curious about each other's differences. I'd say it's a good match, but I never found a deep emotional connection with her. It depends on what you are looking for. She was very committed and loyal.

 

[Mumbo Jumbo]

@vel: Very interesting stuff – a big thanks to you for all the links, I've learned a lot!

It’s important to note though, that according to your sources, Activation partners are only likely to have a good friendship not a romantic relationship! The OP’s question was if INFP’s and ISTJ’s are a great match and this typically isn’t the case from what I’ve observed, experienced and read - including the information you provided.

‚Relations of Activity’ are rated 2 out of 4 stars by Socionics. Our ideal partner seems to be the ESTP (duality – 4 stars) followed by the INFP (identical – 3 stars).


Excerpts from the Wikisocion article about Activation:

-Activation is a very common relationship for friendship.

-lead separate lives and make decisions based on criteria that don't seem too important to the other.

-approaches to achieving their goals tend to be fundamentally incompatible, due largely to the difference in rationality and irrationality.

-they tend to view each other as separate entities with separate lifestyles and plans.


I quote Sergej Ganin, owner of Socionics:

-with continuous interaction over a long period comes overactivation which normally results in an overall tiredness of each other.

-when it comes to fulfilling everyday duties and matters together, partners usually meet with many problems.

-cannot predict each others behaviour and actions in what seem to be ordinary situations. Because of this, partners cannot rely or count on each other in full.

-one partner is always Perceiving and the other is always Judging, meaning that they live in different life rhythms.

-These relations are excellent for leisure, but not for day to day activities.