Hello fellow ENFPs. Today I had a realisation about my parents and my family life. I grew up in an unhealthy, emotionally repressed home, with an ISTJ father who was both physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. My mother, an ISFJ, was only emotionally abusive and neglectful. This had a large impact on me growing up. So much of my ENFP nature I have learned to turn down and block out; the Ne-Fi rants that leave me feeling rejuvenated and enamoured of the world; the spontaneity and curiosity, the hyperactive energy and mad impulses, the Fi speeches and emotional sincerity. All of these were things my unhealthy SJ parents couldn't handle, so they punished me for them. All the time they told me I was a "bad kid", too loud and hyperactive and rambunctious- and all I was doing was being my own ENFP self! I was a great kid. I had a big imagination, a goofy sense of humour and mischief, a thirst for knowledge and a loving heart. But for some reason (perhaps the unhealthy nature of their Introverted Sensing) my parents found me exhausting and a handful. They didn't have time nor understanding for an ENFP child like myself, and that was very damaging for me.
Don't get me wrong; I believe that children of all types are special and deserve to be valued by their parents. However, being an ENFP myself, I'm somewhat biased to think that ENXP children are especially wonderful :wink:. When I think of how I was originally: gregarious, at times crazy, dreamy and kind, it makes me so mad that my parents were unable to appreciate child-me. They really missed out, because what healthy parent wouldn't be thrilled to have a child like that? A child who is their own person, who is interested in so many things, who is so genuinely curious about the world around them. I know if I were a parent I would be delighted. I would want to teach them about the world, how wonderful it is, how complex. I would nurture that child and teach them that their Extroverted Intuition isn't bad or something to be ashamed of, but an exquisite gift to be valued and nourished.
Then I thought about you guys. I wondered; how many other ENFPs grew up with clueless, or disinterested, mismatched parents? for as long as I can remember I have felt like I am living underground. I live like an introvert, like an unhealthy ISTJ, my shadow type. I am unable to be myself at home because I am not allowed to be. In Introverted company I probably come across as an INTJ or an INTP. My ESFJ and ESXP friends probably think I'm a painfully shy ENFJ.
All in all, I really think I would have benefited from having at least one ENXP parent. Feeling understood is so important for children, and it would have helped me tremendously to know I wasn't weird or insane or an annoyance.
What are your thoughts?
Don't get me wrong; I believe that children of all types are special and deserve to be valued by their parents. However, being an ENFP myself, I'm somewhat biased to think that ENXP children are especially wonderful :wink:. When I think of how I was originally: gregarious, at times crazy, dreamy and kind, it makes me so mad that my parents were unable to appreciate child-me. They really missed out, because what healthy parent wouldn't be thrilled to have a child like that? A child who is their own person, who is interested in so many things, who is so genuinely curious about the world around them. I know if I were a parent I would be delighted. I would want to teach them about the world, how wonderful it is, how complex. I would nurture that child and teach them that their Extroverted Intuition isn't bad or something to be ashamed of, but an exquisite gift to be valued and nourished.
Then I thought about you guys. I wondered; how many other ENFPs grew up with clueless, or disinterested, mismatched parents? for as long as I can remember I have felt like I am living underground. I live like an introvert, like an unhealthy ISTJ, my shadow type. I am unable to be myself at home because I am not allowed to be. In Introverted company I probably come across as an INTJ or an INTP. My ESFJ and ESXP friends probably think I'm a painfully shy ENFJ.
All in all, I really think I would have benefited from having at least one ENXP parent. Feeling understood is so important for children, and it would have helped me tremendously to know I wasn't weird or insane or an annoyance.
What are your thoughts?