I think if I tried to spend time with someone that I didn't really care about just because I was lonely, it would just end up making me feel even more lonely.

 

Well, for one- INFJs will not tell you anything personal unless they knew you very well.

 

and for two?

 

Okay, well for starters... the guy who just brought pizza to my door.

 

Make him feel comfortable and just ask him. I always feel encouraged to show my feelings when someone asks about them.

Good luck!

 

INFJs are very unlikely to say "I love you" first. We want to gauge you before we tell you whether we return the feeling or not. And no, unless we're extremely insecure, we're not going to spend time with people just to not be lonely - that doesn't work for us. Maybe some extroverts, but INFJs only cocoon themselves in isolation even more when we feel lonely.

More importantly, please don't over-read INFJ behaviours. None of the things you mentioned indicate he is in love with you. If you really need to know, ask. Don't guess, we're not easily read.

 

INFJs are very unlikely to say "I love you" first. We want to gauge you before we tell you whether we return the feeling or not. And no, unless we're extremely insecure, we're not going to spend time with people just to not be lonely - that doesn't work for us. Maybe some extroverts, but INFJs only cocoon themselves in isolation even more when we feel lonely.

More importantly, please don't over-read INFJ behaviours. None of the things you mentioned indicate he is in love with you. If you really need to know, ask. Don't guess, we're not easily read.

And what do they truly want?

 

My response to the title=no. It seems like there is a physical attraction between you but since that's ultimately transient, the signs of something deeper will be both more important and harder to read.

 

Being lonely only makes me more inclined (daring?) to interact with people I like or feel I could like (which is quite rare). But it doesn't make me like someone I wouldn't otherwise.
To share details of my inner world (face to face) is a big sign of trust for me. If I do that, then I pretty much already am intimate with you. The physical part may or may not come, depending on the circumstances.

Like everyone said, just talk to him.
But if you're here, telling us all this, I think you already know, at some level?

 

You should ask him to hang out with you. If he already invited you to hang out with him then he's probably fine with that. You might have to initiate... a lot of people are scared to do that so you might have to get it over with. I think you have a good chance with him, personally. I'd say watch how he interacts with his friends and see if he flirts with them. Sometimes people like flirting a lot as a joke, but if he's only doing it to you, that's a good sign.

But if you do date him, beware of setting expectations too high for yourself when it comes to you fixing his loneliness. You can comfort him when he's sad and give him advice, and all of that is important, but if he truly wants to overcome his loneliness he has to discover and implement ways to cope on his own. People don't truly learn stuff like that unless they listen to others and do the work themselves.


I can't speak for all INFJs, but I can speak for myself: I'm not easily read when it comes to romance. I can put up a guise of disinterest that completely masks my true feelings; like if I'm considering dating them or if I want to act on my feelings of attraction towards them. And I can keep that up for months if needed.

I'm not like the INFJs @lavendersnow describes: I say "I love you" first, usually. (I'm not the first to flirt, however.) I only say that if I'm sure the other person likes me too, and I can usually tell if they do. I guess I'm arrogant in how I determine that in people, so I feel less afraid about saying it first. I've also been burned before when I was 14 when there was a guy I was interested in but never asked out, and then I never saw him again. So I don't want to experience that again.

And no, I wouldn't date someone just because I'm lonely. That's too superficial of a reason for me to date someone, and if I dated a bad person out of loneliness, they can hurt me easily, so I'm careful with who I pick to date.

 

So does he just accept my invitations to chill bc he's lonely and i'm very good at making him feel listened to, or ? And @lavendersnow thank you for the reminder to not read too into you INFJs lol. It's just so...easy...because...you're hard to read ��

 

So does he just accept my invitations to chill bc he's lonely and i'm very good at making him feel listened to, or ? And @lavendersnow thank you for the reminder to not read too into you INFJs lol. It's just so...easy...because...you're hard to read ��

I wouldn't do anything just because I'm feeling lonely personally, if he's smiling and enjoying his time with you then he probably isn't doing it because he is lonely. I think when INFJs are lonely or miss social connections we come off extra intense and at times somber for the first few minutes to half hour before we settle into enjoy ourselves.

I'm generally more quiet and personally meaningful when I'm down, relatively less fun and likely to talk about the not as nice things that I'm feeling, if the chill is consisting entirely or 90% of very personal topics instead of things you both enjoy, it could be one of those days that it's getting to him. If you're both smiling and enjoy yourself openly and maybe playfully then I'm sure he's not hanging out with you because he is lonely.

 

Just ask him if he enjoys spending time with you. You'll probably be able to judge how he feels about you by observing how he answers that question. However, if you want a more direct approach with no uncertain terms then tell him straight up that you like him, and that you're interested in him. If he's an INFJ he'll appreciate your directness.

And no, I wouldn't date someone just because I felt lonely at the time.

 

The straight up approach?? Aw hell nah

Lol i might eventually. I just need to settle rn

 

There is bazzilion factors to it. Seriously. Even though we are INFJ's we all have our differences. Don't forget that MBTI just scratches surface of individuals personality. I can say that I never wanted to be with someone just cause I'm lonely. Quite contraty. I think that is very selfish especially to people that have strong feelings towards you. It's pretty much toying with feelings. Now I would say from my perspective that he probably has genuine feekings towards you. People that tend to be lonely are usually way more kind and careful with people. And value them all. Don't take my words for granted tho.

 

Blah i quit you guys. Gonna go back into my little hermit hole with my pets and books and music lol. 'Sway too goddamn scary to outright ask him; i don't want to fuck up our friendship in case he isn't into me. Dis shit too tiring man

 

It's basically just that i feel like i'm being shockingly obvious and transparent about my feelings, which makes it feel like an "already rejection" that he doesn't initiate and hasn't done anything about it

 

I am an INFJ myself... It's possible emotional intimacy scares him a bit and he doesn't quite trust you 100% yet despite his probable attraction to you. If you really like him, why beat around the bush? Try and initiate something? You may be able to help make him at ease with his attraction to you.

If for whatever reason he doesn't feel the same... well now you know!

 

It's almost impossible to tell whether an INFJ likes you.

If we like you then we're reluctant to expose ourselves to hurt, and if you like us and we don't return the feelings then we're reluctant to hurt you. Or something that happens to us a lot is that we kind of like someone and we delude ourselves into thinking our feelings are more substantial than they are, so we sort of end up 'playing along' while not intending to lead anyone on because being kind of dense about our own feelings and cowardly about hurting other people doesn't make for a good combination.

What I'm saying is, you're unlikely to get a clear answer from us. Pretty much every thread in this subforum asking about INFJs amounts to that.

 

I take pride in being alone and feeling lonely while avoiding engaging with people I don't want to establish something meaningful with.

If I am unsure, I'll pursue it briefly before making up my mind suddenly (1 week, maybe 2) and in most cases its a doorslam.

 

Gooood toooo knowwww.....slookin like i should adopt that mentality

 

Fuck e he went from saying he wants a relationship (in general) when we first met, to now telling me he's not ready for a relationship and he wishes he could tell me his life is all perfect but it's not / i haven't even broached the Relationship word, so i feel like a fool that he's already rejecting me. Literally like i have whiplash + im disappointed as fuck in myself for putting myself out there

 

INFJs can be pretty harsh and brutal with honesty, but even then you should know that what we say is never meant for anyone else but for ourselves to hear; we speak for transparencies sake because we often can't see through it ourselves, it has little to do with other people more than placating our own feelings. He wants a relationship but he doesn't feel he is ready for one, it's not essentially a rejection, it's him putting up a barrier and acknowledging it in himself, which still leaves the possibility of initiating a relationship if you can make him 'try'.

God im literally so disappointed in myself right now. i know better than to pursue someone who barely gives out wanna-be-friends vibes. and not only that, but it's not like he even tried to get to know me as well as i did, him. Classic ostrich in the sand case fuck me

There's nothing wrong with following where your feelings lead you, if anything there's nothing to lose in the thrill and joy of it. Savour it, appreciate that you can be so driven and appreciative of another being. There's nothing to be particularly disappointed about, just tell yourself what you'll do next time and move on to thinking about what you've had to gain from it all.

It can be hard but it's better than the opposite.

 

God im literally so disappointed in myself right now. i know better than to pursue someone who barely gives out wanna-be-friends vibes. and not only that, but it's not like he even tried to get to know me as well as i did, him. Classic ostrich in the sand case fuck me

 

You are all so incredibly gracious and understanding and i appreciate it so so much. I'm constantly wondering the whys and wherefores of people's emotions and actions (which make no sense to me) so to be able to have them logically explained is literally so groundbreaking.

 

And it especially helps when it's my heart that's teeter tottering around