Personality Cafe banner
Cancel
Create thread New Forums

your dual: ESTP

[INFP]
Tags
estp
Jump to Latest
20K views 38 replies 34 participants last post by  cruka  
#1 ·
has anyone any experience of being in a relationship with your dual? the estp?

i just finished reading a book called 59 seconds by professor Richard Wiseman.

it was found through research that those who fantasize about achieving a goal are less likely to be successful and you are more unlikely to turn your dreams into reality if you dream too much about it. this got me to thinking about the INFP/ESTP dynamic since you are the dreamers and they are the doers.

has anyone had experience of this? have any of you had an estp help you to turn their dreams into reality?
 
  • Like
Reactions: snc1878, Tread Softly and jonkay1
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
I
#3 ·
well, I'm almost INFP...and while I find ESTP's entertaining, I could never be that close to one. The one ESTP I know in real life is hard on the outside...and just as hard and cold on the inside :/

Of course I don't think you were looking for me here, teabiscits :wink:
 
R
#6 ·
Like unicorns, I only know of anecdotal evidence of their existence, and the only one's I've ever seen were on TV and stuff. If I've ever met one, I obviously wasn't paying much attention.
 
  • Like
Reactions: carrina and under skies
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
A
#7 ·
Apart from my dad, I don't think I know any other estp very closely. I see them around, and have even had an estp friend during school but she kinda, left me to my own thing, in other words, letting me be. I find her humour super hilarious and when she noticed that she'd continue on and on. She would even be genuinely curious of me whenever she spoke to me but overall we didn't interact too much. Just been in each other's presence without a problem, to be fair. In fact, I thought of her as being uninterested of me whereas she gravitated to the sort of people that could be in her circle with ease and confidence. I suppose I never paid much attention to her either but she had admirable qualities.

As with my dad who is an estp, whenever I tell him an idea or different perspectives and if he's bothered to take it into account at all, he begins to put it into action by using an experimental approach rather than a strategic one. I don't think he's actually helped any of my dreams come to reality but I definitely think he has helped me to be more comfortable with reality and less overly-analytical and self-conscious, and this in itself helps me to focus on making my own dreams a reality by my own. Actually, this does A LOT of good for me. It reminds me to be independent yet appreciate the social side of things without getting bored of small talk, easily, and what not. The issue here would be that perhaps he doesn't get my dreams fully or the kind of views/opinions that I have and sometimes I need that understanding and push with these thoughts/ideas/dreams whereas my dad just prefers me to 'get on with it, not to worry and be happy and that things are much easier than i think'. While I appreciate this and it's true... it's not always the kind of thing I need/want. But I know he understands but in such a way that it occurs to him rather than him having to explain it. It's just is what it is. Having said that, in my experience an estp doesn't turn my dreams into reality BUT gives me the encouragement and friendship I need to feel the knots in my brain loosening up and get on with my dreams safely and happily. We can make a great team, like siblings you never had.
 
V
#8 ·
The dual of INFP is not ESTP but ESTJ. INFPs and ESTJs have all the same functions only in different order. This pattern of functions is what forms relations known as duality:
INFP: Fi-Ne-Si-Te
ESTJ: Te-Si-Ne-Fi

How this works is that each personality type actually desires and values some expression of tertiary and inferior functions. But you get exhausted if you have to supply it for yourself, because you draw most of your energy/enjoyment of life from exercising your dominant and auxiliary functions. However if you are in company of another personality that is dominant or auxiliary in these functions then they can supply these for you. This makes you value each other. At the same time having all functions in common yields similar approaches to life and similar ways of making judgements, which increases potential for understanding and decreases potential for conflict.

Overall people prefer to marry somebody who is alike them rather than pair up with their opposites as many studies have demonstrated. According to this article among opposites attract relations ESTJ-INFP and ESTP-INFJ pairings are ones that are most common (these are two dual pairs): Compatibility and Your Myers Briggs Personality Type | PersonalityDesk
 
G
#10 ·
My Jungian app tells me that ESTJ & INFP make a dual pairing. However, in real life, I find no attraction for ESTJ females. They're loud, annoying, and stocky. I can somewhat see a female INFP with a male ESTJ but not the other way around. I've come across ESTJs at work, mutual friends, classes, etc. And they are totally foreign to me - I can't understand them and find minimal to no attraction.

Perhaps I'm missing out (doubt it), but I'll stick with the ones I know - other NFs & some NTs
 
#11 ·
I have never dated an ESTP before. On the notion of dreamers being less likely to achieve their goals. I find this is true in my case, and I will often give my best ideas to people who I believe are more likely to accomplish them!
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
N
#12 ·
My younger (by two years) brother is an ESTP, but he's grown into such a tall and deep-spoken young man that I sometimes feel as if he's my older! I also think this has to do with his Ti side. Whereas I'm Te, so I (I think unfortunately?) nervous-talk when I feel the conversation is waning or lacking, while he chills and is relaxed, a man of few words for sure.

This makes me nervous often, because I like to engage with people I care about in good/deep conversation, and while we can reach that on some subjects, when we do get to that point; my joy is mixed with frustration at our not having any of the same views. At best we share similar views, and we never argue now we're grown-up on those matters. We agree to disagree quite amiably. But I can't put aside my deep longing to connect with him.

It's a great relief to me when I feel we share a hang out session without awkwardness (that probably only hyper-sensitive-me senses. -Is that Ne at work? Hrm.) We don't share film/show tastes as a rule (he likes a lot more violence and action that my sensitivity will allow), but when we do, it's great fun. I showed him 'Baccano!' last Christmas, and we fan-girl/boyed over 'The Adventures of Tintin' film since we both grew up with the comics. (Although I think I was more nostalgic - like a lot more nostalgic - about it, his interest was a more intellectual 'let's go see if it's any good or not, type-thing.)

The Bad: In a confrontation situation (This happened in the family situation, where he was often a third party, as I usually did not have any reason to get riled at him - see below 'the Good'), when I am finally riled and speak up (which is only when I feel my values have been challenged), he will step in and try to 'calm me down', when what is needed is to just listen to the situation.

The Good: He never has yet pushed me to do anything. So, like true P's, we can do a chill out time like no other. And I feel really special and loved when he does open up a bit on his emotional thoughts on a subject.
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
N
#13 ·
My Jungian app tells me that ESTJ & INFP make a dual pairing. However, in real life, I find no attraction for ESTJ females. They're loud, annoying, and stocky. I can somewhat see a female INFP with a male ESTJ but not the other way around. I've come across ESTJs at work, mutual friends, classes, etc. And they are totally foreign to me - I can't understand them and find minimal to no attraction.

Perhaps I'm missing out (doubt it), but I'll stick with the ones I know - other NFs & some NTs
Click to expand...
I was thinking the same, but there is some ESTj female wich REALLLLYYY attract me and some wich do the complete contrary.
It can be linked somewhat with the fact love center in the brain is always very close to hate center : some ESTj go directly in the love center, other on the hate lol
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
L
#14 ·
I just read the page about ESTPs and they sound awful. I don't know if I'd ever date or even be friends with one. Actually I think my sister may be this and we tend to disagree a lot. she doesn't understand my personality at all and tends to offend me about it. I would defiantly like to date someone who was similar to me in a sense that they love deeply and like to listen to me when I talk and are compassionate towards others but at the same time they should be extroverted. But I don't like ESTPs
 
S
#15 ·
ESTP is not our dual, though I see no reason why a relation between ESTP and INFP couldn't work out. ESTP is entertaining. :)

Why let typology dictate a love relationship though? There's 7 billion people in the world. If you only allow yourself to date a certain personality type for example...you're really limiting your options...and maybe the person you're meant to be with is a different personality type than the one you are searching for. Typology should just be a tool used to learn how to communicate with one another and learn about ourselves...not for dating or anything like that. Everyone within a type is so different...maybe my dual is an ENTJ or an INFJ while another INFP may have a dual that's an ISFP. It's impossible to predict these things.
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
#17 ·
probably worse than the estj and entj in my experience. i wouldnt go there to be honest. they have a switch for being human and not being human.

an estp would probably be someone who, if he had bad values/morals, would run a weak infp down the ground..literally and figuratively.

they'd make great for hire killers. :) someone who can do something and not look back.
 
C
#19 ·
The estp that i dated did try this. basically just to get what he wanted whenever he wanted it. most infp's have that way about them though that will stick a foot up your *** for running over them too much. it gained me respect with him, enough to keep him at bay, coming back, but not enough respect really in the long run for me to be satisfied with his past slights toward me. We had conflict for sure. the sexual compatability never really faded but it wasn't great.
I think that I probably hold more respect from him then the majority of other people he knows, but from an estp, that still isn't much.
It ended up me just denouncing him as a respectable person and pushing him out of my life. He basically got a dishonorable discharge. To this day I don't respect him and its soo hard to get me to treat people that way. I want to treat everyone with respect. What I do like is that he was honest enough to show me how shitty people could be and I can spot that in others now. I like it.
 
C
#20 ·
I dont really care if someone doesn't open up emotionally. As long as I don't notice being purposefully withheld. its no problem. with an estp, you can sense what they feel anyway. when we had a deeper connecting moment, it was lacking in the slightest. but day-to-day connecting with ideas and activities was boring at the most. at the least, there was a good deal of back and forth.
 
S
#23 ·
As an NF it seems more your role to understand them. I must say hearing some of the skin deep descriptions on this thread has disappointed me.

True the ESTPs can seem cold but truth be told they just have a very hard time understanding emotional responses to the things they say. I have an ESTP roommate who is fun to hang out with and very light hearted. Yeah he is a total A-hole when it comes to his sense of humor, he'll be the first to tell you, and I can see how that can push some away but his philosophy is that people just need to stop taking themselves so seriously, and I can agree with that on certain levels. Verbally he comes of as a douche (but an often comical one at that XD) but when I or anyone of his many friends need help, unless it's physically impossible for him, he'll do it immediately.

Now as an INFP I wouldn't be able to have the same relationship with him that I have with my ISFP, INTP, or other INFP friends since I love deep philosophical discussion and my ESTP roommate can only seem to go as far as politics. It did surprise me one day though when he opened up to me with his insecurity of not being able to judge emotions, including his own it seemed. Basically he is unsettled by negative emotion so he always tries to present comic relief in the situation through sarcasm. Even when it comes to funerals he doesn't get sad, mainly angry, and he has to hold back the urge to make a joke that he instinctively believes will relieve some of the tension in the air. He has a very hard time understanding why people take offense to words (essentially vibrations through the air), when he says it it's not serious at all most the time but others can't seem to recognize that. He hates it when people cry about their problems and seem to just feel sorry for themselves, he compared it to when people have a bunch of work to do and will decide to procrastinate instead of getting it done. When it comes to having meaningful relationships with a girl he has a hard time since most can't handle his sense of humor even though they are attracted by it (He also has a very difficult time telling if a girl likes him even when she obviously does). He has a deep uncomfortability with commitment and soothing people's negative emotions when humor won't work.


So that's my personal experience with ESTPs.
 
H
#22 ·
I fell for this ESTP who at first seemed like a dream come true to me. He seemed understanding, interested in my problems and hence a great listener, and was full of energy. The most important thing was he gave me a form of assurance and was always questioning my self-doubt.

However, he was too sociable for someone like me who prefers being away from the spotlight. I felt inferior somehow.

If I were to be with him, he would care more about maintaining his social circle than about connecting on a deeper level with me. So then I realised that maybe his appreciation for me was just a superficial way of caring for people and getting people to like them..

But still, they're nice friends.
 
S
#26 ·
@vel

"How this works is that each personality type actually desires and values some expression of tertiary and inferior functions. But you get exhausted if you have to supply it for yourself, because you draw most of your energy/enjoyment of life from exercising your dominant and auxiliary functions. However if you are in company of another personality that is dominant or auxiliary in these functions then they can supply these for you. This makes you value each other. At the same time having all functions in common yields similar approaches to life and similar ways of making judgements, which increases potential for understanding and decreases potential for conflict."

I know that ESTJ and INFP are supposed to be one anothers anima/animus....but I've never met an ESTJ who enjoyed my company. At all. As much as I have tried to make them. LOL
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
#27 ·
OP failed at recognizing the actual dual which is the ESTJ.
Here are my thoughts on the matter.
MBTI is ridiculous with the stereotypes it displays. If you go off stereotypes I am more like am INTP in real life.
However in socionics I believe I am actually an ESTJ.
I am nothing like an ESTJ in the MBTI. I'm not a type a, I'm not extroverted in the MBTI sense at all.
I have lots of social tact, I keep my mouth closed more than open. I am alone most the time I don't get energized by talking to random people.

So those in here who take a concept like duals which as far as I know is more a cognitive function component are mixing theories and an ESTJ in socionics is not the ESTJ in the MBTI.
 
S
#28 ·
I think in Socionics the two types are duals, but in Myers Brigg they are conflict. Regardless, I've experienced both. I sometimes feel I need ESTP to help me with projects or move forward and maybe would get exposed to things I wouldn't on my own. And he was helping me until that seemed to fade off... and it really was a help, especially when he'd give me a deadline or walk me through something. Conflict stuff pretty bad though. I usually can understand what causes it, but then when I've tried in the past to say what I needed or explain how to avoid it, he blows it off or doesn't care. I've done my part to understand and adapt, but he can be a total asshole. Conflict at a basic level caused because both of us have strong feelings and when one or both of us isn't allowing those feelings to breathe and the communication or awareness isn't there to deal with them kindly and directly, acting out and behaviors come out in us both that cause conflict -- anger, withdraw, etc.

Maybe that's part of the dual... it is like we are a mirror for each other and the combination of the pairing brings out all your issues... good if you want to work on them and improve and develop a loving bond knowing you both are there to help each other through them. He is the one seems to not want that, or takes a very superficial look at the surface conflict, when often it is caused by something deeper. It is an incredibly powerful relationship. But both people need to have the awareness and desire to commit.

I think I just realized through writing this the emotional similarity between the types -- I think we both don't deal with strong emotions well. Maybe it is more the "T" in the ESTP, and in the INFP it is funnily enough a too strong F paired with perhaps strong intuition. It is a balance perhaps if working well -- the ESTP has the logic and the INFP has the emotional awareness, both good to have together, but hard for the types alone to find that.
 
A
#29 ·
Honestly, I don't think you truly understand what a INFP is. Sure, sure we are the dreamers, but what you don't know is the effort can be there, beyond there, beyond dreams. We can living that dream out everyday. In the end, life is but a dream for us, and not everything is about day dreams, or pipe dreams, or dreamy looks, life is about imagination. Grasp it, or don't, it's up to you. Anyway, ESTP, no idea.
 
Personality Cafe
posts
11M
members
172K
Since
2008
A forum community dedicated to all ranges of personality types and people. Come join the discussion about health, behavior, care, testing, personality types, and more!
Full Forum Listing
Explore Our Forums
INFP Forum - The Idealists INFJ Forum - The Protectors INTP Forum - The Thinkers INTJ Forum - The Scientists Myers Briggs Forum