Hello Skitzabeth,
there is always hope, however, you cannot change the mind of an ISTJ with your logic, once he has made his mind up he cannot be swayed by arguments. He has to want to get back in a relationship with you. It is not enough to try and logically convince him. Experience and judgement say otherwise to him at the moment.

However, you might be able to gently persuade him to want a relationship with you again. You might need to wait till all the conditions are right. I might suggest these conditions need to be met first:-

1. He is no longer stressed, and wants a girlfirend again.
2. Both living in the same town.
3. You have re-established a friendship and the both of you get on very well- like old times.

Then and only then make a romantic move towards him. Such as a big passionate kiss in private.

You will need to satisfy all the pre-conditions first, then the romantic move may appeal to his introverted F.

Having said that, it may not work after doing all those things. You can't make anyone love you, let alone an ISTJ.

 

you cannot change the mind of an ISTJ with your logic, once he has made his mind up he cannot be swayed by arguments. He has to want to get back in a relationship with you. It is not enough to try and logically convince him. Experience and judgement say otherwise to him at the moment.


Having said that, it may not work after doing all those things. You can't make anyone love you, let alone an ISTJ.

This is awesome. I dated an ISTJ for like 2 1/2 years. It's very true.

And correction- You can't make a person love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.

 

But my logic is so logical!!! Haha. Seriously, though. It is. And I know that it's never worked with him in the past to show him my careful analysis of a situation. It's so frustrating, because he'll say things after I tell him what's going on in my head like, "Maybe you're right.", but it still doesn't change anything.

Sigh.

Also, I am not trying to make him love me. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and cares about me, and how sorry he is that he's "doing this to me". He'll even tell me that he knows he's not being "fair" to us.

It's just really frustrating.

Damn you, ISTJ.

 

There is REALLY nothing that you can do. If we've made up our mind on something, it's damn near impossible to change it (without new evidence, of course). So really, I think your best bet is to make try and get him to see your relationship as you see it. If you can't, tough. Go find a new boy to love. =P If you can, awesome!

 

So really, I think your best bet is to make try and get him to see your relationship as you see it.

Yes, but how can I do that?

I really don't want to force him into anything. I just want to show him what I see. And I don't know how to do that.

 

Like Caius said: new evidence. Otherwise, like has been stated more than once, his mind is made up already. We DO make up our minds about things and stick to those decisions UNLESS new things come to light that trump previous facts and experience.

 

In practice? Make new, better memories and experiences with him and see where it goes!

 

i think you should just let him go you are troubling yourself WAY too much over a love affair and probably putting alot of stress on yourself try going out with someone else

 

We have both dated other people, and have both admitted that we don't derive as much satisfaction from other people. Not only that, but we usually end up dating someone else at the exact wrong moment. Like one of us will finally be ready to make a move, but the other person will have just gotten sick of waiting and found someone else. It's frustrating. I haven't met anyone else that I have connected with on the same level at all, although if I did I would, of course, be open to it. Most of my dating experiences have not been good ones, though.

Thanks for your input. I've had a lot of people tell me that I should probably move on, but it's something neither of us have ever been able to accomplish. :sad:

 

As you've both been dating other people, this is not good for getting back into a relationship with an ISTJ as we do not like grey areas. We value loyalty in relationships.

I think the best thing you can do as you are still young is to not worry about dating and relationships at the moment. Concentrate on your studies and getting the best qualifications you can. Then get a job back in the same town as your ex, re-establish contact and take things from there.

At the moment, from what you have told me, I see no way of "convincing" your ISTJ. However, in the future, you might be able to persuade him, once the conditions I outlined above have been met. Love is not logic, even to as ISTJ.

 

Love is not logic, even to as ISTJ.

I think this is the key point here. While a relationship can seem logical on some levels we can never nail down all of the components involved in loving another person. It can be frustrating and even painful at times, but it is often those illogical elements that make a relationship its best.

 

good! Sounds like you have an answer. A couple of observations:-

I don't know if this is an ISTJ trait, but I absolutely hate being put under pressure where relationships are concerned, it is the worst thing someone else can do!

And, you say both you and your ISTJ are super introvert. I find that difficult to understand as you have both seemed to have managed to find other people to date fairly easily. I believe I was super introvert during my student days and did not date at all while at university. Maybe a good thing as this enabled me to concentrate fully on my studies.

 

And, you say both you and your ISTJ are super introvert. I find that difficult to understand as you have both seemed to have managed to find other people to date fairly easily.

Hm, I never really gave that much thought before. I guess it's just proof that when we choose to be social, we're very successful. :tongue: