ENFPs and Infidelity

TheWildOne · Feb 6, 2013

I have question for my fellow ENFPs:

Where do you stand on the subject of... *lowers voice* infidelity?

I've seen it stated around here that us ENFPs are closer to serial monogamers than outright cheaters. That as Ne-dom Fi-aux, we tend to rely strongly on our value systems, which -at least theoretically- would imply wanting a deep emotional connection with our sexual partners, and a repulsion for the idea of deeply hurting our Significant Others. It all sounds very pretty, and all, but I wonder if one thing is actually linked to the other.

So I think the question is, do you find that to be your case, fellow ENFPs? Or, if you know any ENFPs in real life, or have dated or been married to one, were they of that opinion?

Also, it would be nice if we could discuss the whole cheating topic... So here's an extra few questions if you're in the mood for debating. I am particularly interested in answers from ENFPs, but hey, this is a discussion, so everybody's welcome.

- What is infidelity to you?
What do you consider cheating? What are your parameters?
As in, "It's not cheating if I'm not married", or "... if we're not living together", or "...if it's just making out", or "a one-night-stand with no deep emotional attachment", or "...even fantasyzing with someone else is cheating in my book"?

- How much are you or have you been willing to forgive from your partner?
Do you consider infidelity an unforgivable offense? Or would there be extenuating circumstances? How much would you be (or have you been) able to tolerate? Would you continue in a relationship with someone you know has been unfaithful to you?
As in, "I would forgive my partner if they told me immediately and promised never to do it again", or "...if it's a purely sexual thing", or "...I know about it and they wouldn't leave me to be with this other person"?

- If you're comfortable sharing, have you ever cheated on a partner?
Within that line, feel free to elaborate as much or as little as you want, please. ;-)

Any other comments or questions on the subject would, also, be very welcome.

Of course, I'll share my views here, too.

StaceofBass · Feb 6, 2013

So I think the question is, do you find that to be your case, fellow ENFPs? Or, if you know any ENFPs in real life, or have dated or been married to one, were they of that opinion?

I am strongly guided by my values...and up at the top of my values is Honesty. You can't really breed a culture of honesty and trust in a romantic relationship if you're sleeping with other people and trying to hide it. That being said, I cannot cheat on my partner. I am morally unable to.

- What is infidelity to you?
This really depends. I trust my partner until I find reason I shouldn't.

But to answer the question a bit more...if we are officially together, it is considered cheating in my book.

- How much are you or have you been willing to forgive from your partner?
If they told me it would never happen again, I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and give them another chance. Though they DO have to regain my trust. If it DOES happen again, buh-bye.

- If you're comfortable sharing, have you ever cheated on a partner?
Nope, but I have been accused...a friend tried to rape me and I told my bf at the time...the bf accused me of cheating...yeah implied facepalm.

Aya the Abysswalker · Feb 6, 2013

What is infidelity to you?
That's a hard question. Infidelity is when someone cheats on you and it's usually related to a sexual relationship, but I only believe that there is actual infidelity when a member of relationship has another relationship parallel to the first one. Sex does not equals love and has been shown that break the routine makes relationships better and stronger. We cannot stop ourselves to think I would fuck that bicth so hard if I wasn't with my babe (if you're with someone who actually says this run, though) and we shouldn't judge everything as cheating. A good relationship is build on mutual respect and respect.
I've heard stories about men having two families and that's just unforgiving now going to a show and put your boyfriend drooling over a model while she stripes is no cheating, that's nature.

I was never in a healthy relationship, so that probably explains why I was this strange vision of a one night stand not equaling cheating. Because really? Are you willing to leave a fantastic relationship that you have with someone who is sure that loves because he slept a few times with some women he never saw again? Are you willing to throw it all away? I wouldn't. But like I said, I never had a single healthy relationship in my life. So I might be just speaking illogical bullshit.

cudibloop · Feb 6, 2013

I don't have any qualms about myself cheating, the grass is always greener. Am I bad person? Actually, I probably wouldnt even get into a serious relationship in the first place. If I did however and she's dependable I probably wouldn't cheat. That's the thing though, most people aren't entirely dependable

Sat Nam · Feb 6, 2013

I guess I'm kinda obligated to respond since I agreed that you should make this a new thread, so I'll do so in the little time that I have left lol. I might come back later to flesh this out a bit, but hopefully you get the jist...

If I am not happy with someone, I will make my unhappiness known to that person in hopes that things will change. If after a looooonnnnnnggggg time, things do not change for the better; I will make it clear to that person that it is over and leave before pursuing another. I don't think cheating is fair to me or anyone involved, so it's a non-option for me. It's not something that I would even consider in a healthy stable relationship, so if I am even thinking about being with another guy, then I know the guy I am with is not the one... I don't see anyone else in a romantic light when I'm committed to and love someone. If I am not committed and don't love someone, then I won't be in a relationship with them. So it's a pretty good feed-back loop kinda deal lol.

Infidelity comes in many different forms from intimate online relationships to being emotionally intimate with another in person/on the phone to actually physically "crossing the line:" touching, kissing, sex, whatever. I think it's all an indication that something is seriously wrong in the relationship and if it's happening, the person doing it should leave. I think it's selfish.

If two people are in a committed relationship and there's any of the above, then it's cheating, whether they live together/are married or not.

Fortunately, I haven't had to deal with a situation of the sort. So, I'm really not sure how I would handle it, but I know my trust would be completely shattered and I'd have a hard time moving past such an incident. Of course, we are all human and we all make mistakes, so I'd look at what ACTUALLY occurred and make decisions based on my gut instincts. Some things are just irreparable to me, though. So it'd depend on the severity of what happened. I'd forgive them though for my sake even if I ultimately decided to move on. That's just how I am. Hope that's sufficient : )

fguewriter · Feb 6, 2013

TheWildOne said:
Where do you stand on the subject of... *lowers voice* infidelity?

My theory about people is that we can rest easier about our sexualities if we think of ourselves as having several sexual systems - possibly consisting of several evolutionary layers. There's the more everyday one, and then there's the deeper and more obscure, which we usually conceive of as the most primitive. We don't just have one sexuality, so some of the inner conflicts we feel can be resolved that way. That's on the inside! Externally, it's behavior, and that falls under moral care.

I think in general, yes, ENFPs are value-driven in sexuality particularly when it comes to our relationships. But our more primitive sides, if you will, are still there, same as anyone's, and from what I've read we seem to have high sex drives, most of us. So one can stand by for drama when ENFPs are around! And yes, I think most ENFPs have high empathy, so hurting an SO would be hurtful to them.

*However* ... partly speaking from past personal experience, ENFPs with their giving natures can get in relationships or situations where we feel empathically responsible or beholden to a person - I think it's said that ENFPs are reluctant to break up, because of not wanting to hurt the other person - and that can lead to a wandering libido in some way. I've lived that sometimes (will specify more below).

> What is infidelity to you?

Well, the simplest answer is "whatever your partner thinks it is, that you have good reason to know or should know they would." A very monogamous, say possibly also highly religious, couple might find having a fantasy about another cheating. A more libertine couple might find having sex with another person without prior agreement with one's SO to be cheating. Then there's what "should" be considered cheating - an insoluble question, since "shoulds" are so difficult. So, let's stick with #1. Cheating is behavior related to romance and/or sex that a partner finds betraying of trust, which the actor knows or has good reason to know their partner would so find, and the actor consciously does it anyway. Probably a good basic definition would include some kind of deceit, at least to the point of non-informing. I can get behind that definition.

My own relationships have tended a little more on the libertine side - but not too far. I'm probably somewhat naturally polyamorous. I've liked when my partners have been sexually experienced, and the whole untouched/chaste virginity thing held little appeal to me as such. (Now, a *corrupt-minded* virgin could be a different story. @phony, you keep quiet.) I like women who are strong in themselves and are doing what they like without submission to the "community's" regard. This can include being sexually dominant or submissive - doesn't matter, so long as it comes out of fire and delight. So the subjective criterion for cheating is good by me. Both of my longest relationships had times when we saw others, and in a few cases there were some interesting menages; let's leave it at that. It was done aboveboard, but there were times when one or the other of us made the other uncomfortable, and got somewhat close to the cheating line.

I've forgiven my partners quite a bit, and they've forgiven me quite a bit. Not so much direct crossings of lines as things around that area - for instance, something that drives me crazy is when a partner of mine has a crush on someone - and doesn't tell me. That's just intolerable to me, because I want to be in *deep* contact with my partner, and that means there's a withholding going on. Which means there's a mess underneath. Okay, to criticize myself, it's driven (some of) my partners crazy if among my numerous friendships someone starts to feel possessive of me or like they own me. And sometimes I didn't pick up the signs, though they were quite obvious. So it's a complex line, and really more a matter of zones.

Now, to go head on into forgiveness: I could probably forgive a very great deal if my partner made a clean breast, was not blaming me falsely or otherwise being political, was working to make it better, and it wasn't a massive prolonged deception. I think all interactions are transactional - both sides contribute - so I'd rather focus on why we went off the rails and what does that say we need and should do. Of course I would be angry, hurt, and the rest - but my decisions would hopefully go toward finding out what happened and healing, if healing could be done. (That could be the ENFP unwillingness to break up, of course.)

So, to address your last question directly: under my definition, yes. I've cheated in some years past. And you know what? It wasn't worth it. When all the smoke and dust died down, there wasn't that much to it.

I try to look at things both humanistically and biologically. Biologically speaking, cheating is a reproductive strategy - and it seems to be well-implanted in our species. Something like 20% of all kids, supposedly, bear a different paternity than the Dad thinks they have. (This is one of the secret powers of women. Men have their own.) If we'd evolved differently, we wouldn't be *able* to cheat: we'd be bound to one person at a time. But human sexuality is above all ingenious and creative. It would flourish more if we bought some compassion to it (and also a commitment to keep passion up). So maybe everyone can meet in the middle, and openly negotiate what cheating is and is not - and, like any good system, include some give and play in it, to keep things healthy.

Jewl · Feb 7, 2013

I'm a Christian, so this might end up being an interesting perspective. I note that there's quite a few Christians who don't hold the same views I do (but plenty do as well).

What is infidelity?

This really depends on how you view a relationship. To me, a relationship is between two people who make a promise with each other to love each other. (Love in this sort of relationship being an action, something you willingly do and give and you choose to give it). To be faithful to each other.

On that note, here is what infidelity is in my view.

The breaking of a promise. An act of dishonesty. When you've gotten yourself into a committed relationship with a person, essentially promised yourself to that person, and you cheat on them. By this I mean allowing yourself to lust in any way after another person. This extends to voluntarily (this being a key word -- I will elaborate) allowing yourself to fantasize over them (yes, in your mind).

As to why I extend this to the scary mental zone, it's because I take mental desires pretty seriously. For example, I consider mentally wishing I could murder a person to be extremely terrible. Because even if I didn't physically do it, I wished it. I actively murdered that person in my mind. Maybe that doesn't strike you as it does me. But it means I have the mind of a person who wants to kill -- who wishes death on a person. So similarly, by allowing myself to mentally fantasize like I mentioned above is in a way almost as bad as actually doing what I am letting myself fantasize.

Also, let me clarify the fantasizing thing. It's only human to look at someone who is sexually appealing and be physically attracted to them. There is nothing wrong with that. <-- Seriously. I emphasize that point. There is nothing wrong with those feelings. That's just simple chemistry, lol. But it becomes "cheating" when you actively let yourself chase in any way after that person just to feel the pleasure that accompanies it. It has to be an active choice for it to be infidelity.

When you cheat on a person, why do you do it? Just for momentary pleasure, to fulfill something that you felt you weren't getting or you just want more of (or a combination of both). To me infidelity is an act of selfishness, while being in a committed relationship requires selflessness -- the exact opposite.

How much are you or have you been willing to forgive from your partner?

I'd forgive anything, so long as they asked and then (because you know how sometimes we say "Sorry" but then don't do anything to fix our problems) show that they are willing to be faithful again. Rebuilding trust.

Humans are not perfect. We make mistakes. I hope my partner would also be willing to forgive me if I broke that promise too.

Have you ever cheated on a partner?

Haven't had a partner to cheat on yet.

tempered · Feb 7, 2013

Interesting topic, thanks for posting!

I won't interrupt much, but I'm essentially a prude and wouldn't forgive someone for cheating, at least as it pertains to having any kind of further relationship with them. I could forgive someone in a sense of not hating them, though; If they seek forgiveness.

How do you guys feel about your SO having opposite sex friends and meeting up with them without your presence or knowledge of what's going on?

Enfpleasantly · Feb 7, 2013

Cheating is doing something intimate (emotionally or physically) you wouldn't do with another person in front of your SO.

Infidelity is a very serious thing and to me, in a long term marriage, I would say it's an indicator that there is a severe disconnect in the couple. I would argue that in many situations, this is the fault of the couple together.

If my Husband cheated on me, I would be heart broken, but I would also wonder how we got to that point in the first place; including looking at myself and the role I might've played in him turning to another person. It would make question everything, make me look at us, our relationship, and what happened to us...this doesn't mean I could get over it though.

fguewriter · Feb 7, 2013

tempered said:
How do you guys feel about your SO having opposite sex friends and meeting up with them without your presence or knowledge of what's going on?

Is the idea that there was active withholding and it was really abnormal, or it was normal, or - ?

chimeric · Feb 7, 2013

Yeah...

If a relationship is about telling 50% of the world that you can't be friends, it's not worth it to be in a relationship. What is a relationship without trust? If someone's irrational jealousy is more important than my ability to be friends with whomever I choose... that situation borders on abuse. It is not OK to be a control freak partner who needs to know all the ins and outs of your partner's life at all times and freaks out over platonic friendships. Not remotely OK.

(I'll answer the other questions later.)

Enfpleasantly · Feb 7, 2013

chimeric said:
Yeah...

If a relationship is about telling 50% of the world that you can't be friends, it's not worth it to be in a relationship. What is a relationship without trust? If someone's irrational jealousy is more important than my ability to be friends with whomever I choose... that situation borders on abuse. It is not OK to be a control freak partner who needs to know all the ins and outs of your partner's life at all times and freaks out over platonic friendships. Not remotely OK.

(I'll answer the other questions later.)

+1 Perfectly stated, and I agree whole-heartedly.

tempered · Feb 7, 2013

fguewriter said:
Is the idea that there was active withholding and it was really abnormal, or it was normal, or - ?

I guess that was my thing, not trusting someone due to lack of communication and other factors. It's okay, because I can't be in love with anyone like that again (prevention being worth more than an impractical cure here). I haven't felt that way about others; not that it's common for me to trust anyone romantically, but it happened once.

Curious how it's generally viewed to have opposite sex friendships while in a relationship, and I'm especially interested in ENFP perspectives. I'd think that if you trust a partner, it shouldn't be an issue for them to have opposite sex friends, but it also shouldn't seem like they're sneaking around. I think it'd be better to have doubts removed, like if such "friends" are clearly unavailable.

Then again, it's hard for me to imagine trusting anyone that much anytime soon, and I'd rationally consider it a danger, since human nature can be an unpredictable influence. Possibly even more so with free spirits?

This could be grouped under what constitutes infidelity. Just an idea... nobody feel compelled to respond. ;p

Raewyn · Feb 7, 2013

Oh boy. Somehow I felt like this topic would eventually cross my path.

My views used to be so harsh, and now...

I see cheating as a very, very gray area, and its definitions are extremely dependent both on the couple and the circumstances involved. Is it ideal? No, of course not. If you're unhappy in a relationship, or need something more than you're able to get, of course the ideal situation would be to just break things off and pursue said other person, or to work out how to meet that need with your partner's assistance/permission. However, sometimes life just is not that simple.

If I had to come up with some sort of definition, I guess I'd say that cheating is when:

-Two persons are in a relatively healthy relationship
-Clear standards have been set and agreed upon on what is acceptable and not acceptable in a relationship
-One of those standards is broken in a big way, or repeatedly over a period of time

I added that first bullet to address abusive relationships specifically, because that's where some of that first gray comes into play. Again, the ideal situation would be to break things off with such a person, but it's not usually that easy. For the victim, there's often a feeling of being trapped and powerless, of thinking no one else could love them, want them, or be attracted to them. They may even feel afraid for themselves or others in their life, afraid that their partner could hurt them.

What if you're trying to separate from your current marital partner, but you can't afford a divorce, or your partner is fighting you tooth and nail on the subject? What if you're trying to stay away from them altogether to save your sanity? What, are people supposed to stop living and loving because of circumstances they can't entirely control? If you're in a situation that's that bad, that's when you're going to crave (and need) human affection the most. We're only human. To expect a person to stop having needs because it isn't "right" is unrealistic.

In my opinion, if you stop treating your partner with love and care, if a person goes so far as to trap their partner in a relationship with abuse, the abuser loses their "right" to the other person's loyalty/affection in that relationship. The contract of love between the two persons is null and void, and therefore the relationship is already over. It's just a matter of the victim becoming strong enough to state that they are leaving, or to reach legal means. The abuser loses their right to care if the other person seeks company elsewhere.

I agree with @fguewriter 's theory that ENFP's (I'd say NF's in general) have a hard time hurting another person in a relationship. It's the very stigma against falling for another person that makes it difficult for one to leave a relationship when they know they should, especially for NF's. A lot of us ENFP's hold ourselves to a pretty high standard in relationships and wouldn't want to be "that" kind of person. "Cheating" can end up happening anyway for this reason, when a person floats between being unable to deny the love/attraction and wanting so badly not to have to hurt anyone involved. That's my personal experience/observations from fellow NF's, anyway.

(On that note, I think it's better to break things off when you discover your wandering eyes/mind. You'll hurt the other person still, but it's more respectful than to let things drag on when you've clearly lost interest.)

For the second bullet, precisely because people have such diverse opinions on this subject, from the moment a relationship becomes "serious", the couple MUST communicate and set a standard for their conjoined boundaries. Nothing should be assumed.

I'm not trying to put cheating in a golden light here. If there's a person "playing" two other people without their knowledge, simply because that person likes getting attention, and that person hides it so the playing can continue without "drama", that's a crappy ass thing to do.

It's about honesty, trust, and respect, for the most part.

For me, I would expect my significant to only have sex with and be in love with me, as we are in an agreed monogamous relationship with specific boundaries set. Fantasizing is ok, given it remains just that. I could forgive a kiss or something small like that if it was one instance. If he needed something sexually that I could not provide, and he brought this up to me… Well, I'd cross that bridge when I got there. If he had sexual relations with another person without my okay, that would be cheating. If he has romantic feelings for another person while we were together, that would be cheating.

Depending on the circumstances, I may be able to forgive him for a one-night stand, but if he was in love with another woman while we were still together… If that happened, I would be absolutely crushed and in no way would be able to continue a relationship, or even be friends. If he fell for someone else, he better have the respect and courage enough to end things with me first, before he gets involved. I put a lot of effort into being a good girlfriend, and therefore see no justification for such an action. A betrayal of love to me is far more disturbing and hurtful than temporarily being slave to the libido.

I don't understand people who think having friends of the opposite sex is cheating. That just seems really controlling to me… And in any case, my beau has pretty much all lady friends. I trust him with them, and I trust them with him.

I haven't cheated on anyone. I've been in love with someone who was in a relationship, but those feelings were not acted upon until said relationship was over. (Sooner than I would've liked, perhaps, but that's a whole other story.)

I have to let it be known that, unless it's an extreme example like the "player" one I gave above, I don't think cheating necessarily denotes anything about a person's character. Some people just have issues when it comes to having relationships.

fguewriter · Feb 7, 2013

Raewyn said:
Oh boy. Somehow I felt like this topic would eventually cross my path.

Thank you for a lovely and well-modulated answer. I think couples agreeing on what works for them is the sane path. I've been in varying kinds of relationship, and I think almost any model could work (at leas for two people - children are a factor we haven't spoken of here much, given the age of most folks) when approached with honesty, warmth, and what I like to call emotional ambition.

StaceofBass · Feb 7, 2013

How do you guys feel about your SO having opposite sex friends and meeting up with them without your presence or knowledge of what's going on?

I'm fine with it. I'd like to hang out with them on occasion. However, I respect that my SO needs to have time with his friends without me just like I need my time with my friends without him. If he insists on hanging out with me and my friends all the time then I'll start to wonder if he really trusts me...and we'll have a talk. :tongue:

But I'd like to meet his friends and have them get to know me. I want to meet their approval.

Now if my SO is going out with friends then what I do want is for him to regale me with stories of fun times when he gets home. Even if he was just playing video games at a friend's place, I want to hear about how he nuked the hell out of noobs in that PVP. :laughing::crazy:

TheWildOne · Feb 7, 2013

Wow! So happy to see this discussion take off. Quite a few interesting points of view here!

I'll try to reply to everyone, post by post. Here goes:

@StaceofBass: I agree, it's all about honesty. And I can't believe that ex-bf of yours! On top of such a horrible experience... what a jerk. You are obviously better off without him. *hugs*

@AyaSullivan: No, it's not illogical bullshit. There are obviously many different opinions of what cheating actually is, and I'm interested in your opinion, too. Thanks for sharing it. I just wonder: if drooling over a model is fine, and having parallel families is unforgivable, what's the middle ground for you? What would you consider harder to forgive, but not necessarily deserving death penalty?

@cudibloop: True, dependable people are hard to come by, if they exist at all. Still, I'd like to know: are you saying that you find cheating acceptable, or that as long as one is not in a serious relationship, there's no such thing as cheating? How do you *define* inacceptable sexual behavior within your relationships? ... if you're comfortable saying, of course.

@Sat Nam: Thank you for joining in! I can relate very much to your views, actually. And this line in particular tickled my curiosity:

I don't think cheating is fair to me.

What do you mean by that?

TheWildOne · Feb 7, 2013

@fguewriter: Very interesting! And boy, do I agree with your definition of infidelity.

So, to address your last question directly: under my definition, yes. I've cheated in some years past. And you know what? It wasn't worth it. When all the smoke and dust died down, there wasn't that much to it.

Thank you for your honesty. I think many people would agree with you there.

So maybe everyone can meet in the middle, and openly negotiate what cheating is and is not - and, like any good system, include some give and play in it, to keep things healthy.

That would be a wonderful approach! But I don't think we'll see that becoming standard procedure any time soon. Sorry, humanity, but I have little faith in ye. :dry:

The way I see it, the problem is that not everybody you enter a relationship with will straight out tell you what they would or would not take from you, so it's tricky to know what your partner considers cheating. And then respecting that can also be hard, for many reasons, including the ones you mentioned. So, if for example, one's partner considers "such and such" as infidelity, but one doesn't know, is it okay? Where does common sense apply here, and to what extent? For example, how about I do something to my partner that I wouldn't forgive from him, but that I am certain he would forgive from me? Is that cheating? I'm not sure, but I think it "should" be...

Aya the Abysswalker · Feb 7, 2013

TheWildOne;3402776@[I said:
AyaSullivan[/I]: No, it's not illogical bullshit. There are obviously many different opinions of what cheating actually is, and I'm interested in your opinion, too. Thanks for sharing it. I just wonder: if drooling over a model is fine, and having parallel families is unforgivable, what's the middle ground for you? What would you consider harder to forgive, but not necessarily deserving death penalty?

I think the night one stand would be something harder to forgive but not deserving death penalty especially if it's once and with someone we both don't know, like once you go out and get completely drunk to the point where you remember nothing.

TheWildOne · Feb 7, 2013

I guess it's time I answered my own questions.

I've seen it stated around here that us ENFPs are closer to serial monogamers than outright cheaters.
I have been inclined to agree, but then stopped myself. I think it depends on every individual ENFP's definition of cheating, and even monogamy. Within those variations, yes, maybe "we" could be considered less prone to cheating. As in, if we can't justify it to ourselves, or it clashes with our definition of an honest, healthy relationship, it might be easier for someone value-oriented to naturally reject cheating on their partner. Key word here: might.

So far, I have never met confirmed ENFPs who admit to having cheated on their partners, or consider themselves capable of doing such a thing. Maybe I don't know enough ENFPs in RL, but this is my observation.

What is infidelity to you?
I agree with many of you, that faithfulness is all about being honest, and never doing anything that could deeply hurt your SO. But my problem with this definition is that it would entail that some things that are unacceptable to my current partner might not be so to a future partner. I can't tolerate the idea of my values wavering, depending on the opinions and sensibilities of the person I'm with at the moment. Feels flakey to me.

So maybe, infidelity to me is closer to intimate exchange(s) with someone who is not my current official partner. By the way, for me, "official" starts with the first date (no, I've never dated more than one guy at a time). And "intimate" is the kind of thing that I have or desire to have with my sexual partner, but generally speaking, not with anyone else. If I can't forgive myself for it, I couldn't possibly expect my partner to forgive me either. For the technicality-oriented out there, it would include all forms of sexual contact, kissing, touching, and romantic expressions. Probably there's more in there, but that should give you an idea.

Strangely enough, I would demand from myself far more than my partner does. (For example, my husband claims he'd forgive me if I drunken-made-out with a stranger, while I could never forgive myself for something like that while I'm in a relationship.) And logically, I might also demand more from my partner than what he demands from me. I just think that if I feel like getting physically or emotionally intimate with someone other than my SO, I'm already betraying him, whether I actually consummate it or not. So I think I'm closer to @Julia Bell than @fguewriter on that respect.

I'm a Christian as well, but I don't consider fantasyzing as cheating. Even though I feel it is morally wrong to do so, and definitely it would be showing little respect to my partner (and vice versa), I don't consider it cheating. Maybe I should, though; I don't know. Again, I find @Julia Bell's opinions closer to my own, here.

How much are you willing to forgive from your partner?
Very little, I'm afraid. I can't tolerate infidelity. Even forgiving the 'offender' and still terminating the relationship is a difficult concept for me. Maybe I should be more forgiving, but as the naive, loving creature that I am, I already let the world abuse me far more than I should. I draw the line at sexual disrespect, and that's that.

Would there be extenuating circumstances?
Maybe. If my partner strays, I should check myself, in case I've neglected something. But even if I have, the sentence would be the same.

Would you continue in a relationship with someone you know has been unfaithful to you?
Nope.

Have you ever cheated on a partner?
Not by my definition of cheating.

I'll continue to reply to you guys' posts, after a short commercial break. ;-)

ENFPs and Infidelity

TheWildOne

StaceofBass

Aya the Abysswalker

cudibloop

Sat Nam

fguewriter

Jewl

tempered

Enfpleasantly

fguewriter

chimeric

Enfpleasantly

tempered

Raewyn

fguewriter

StaceofBass

TheWildOne

TheWildOne

Aya the Abysswalker

TheWildOne

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