ISTJ and INTJ - friends or enemies?

Khalrin · Oct 20, 2011

I've talked a lot about the INTJ girlfriend I have, but I'd like some other opinions on how/whether these two types get along - not just as partners, but also as friends. Do you think it's a sublime logical compatibility, or a sub-zero logical impasse? I'm aware that "any two types can get along if they try", but what is your experience?

If you have any comments or stories, post them! I especially welcome posts from IxTJs.

Skadi · Oct 20, 2011

I have a former friend who is an INTJ. I got along with him until today. We would have a laugh.

Half Robot · Oct 20, 2011

probably the only type i get on with, especially on a deeper and meaningful level.
this is why i have no ''friends'' by choice. the few i keep around as acquaintances are considered ''friends'' by most people's standard.

always quality over quantity!

Sela · Oct 20, 2011

I get along with the INTJ's I know well enough. To put it extremely simplistically: Different thought processes to arrive at the same/similar end result. Both parties keeping this in mind can potentially avoid the "WTF are you crazy?!" moments in the relationship/friendship.

rustygershon · Oct 20, 2011

I just found out that my coworker that I get along with best is an INTJ. We talk to each other more than we talk to our fellow techs. His thought process just amazes me. That should have been my first clue that he is an INTJ. When we are left to our own devices with no supervisors around we stand on our desks to talk over our cubicles and/or throw random shit at each other. Act like children basically but we still get our work done and never miss a phone call.

Then there is my INTJ girlfriend who we have discussed before.

kittychris07 · Oct 20, 2011

I've only heard good things being said about the ISTJ-INTJ pairing (either as friends or in a relationship). But not so much with ISFJs and INTJs.

But I think most people are easy to get along with anyhow (get along with doesn't imply being friends though).

Yardiff Bey · Oct 20, 2011

I've got a friend in the USA that is a Mensa - I'm fairly sure is an INTJ. Very logical and smart guy, yet we can laugh our asses off at the stupidest stuff.

And I like it when I go wandering into the INTJ forums. <_<

apmeggison · Nov 14, 2011

Please tell me he doesn't currently live in Maine

CorgiGirl · Oct 20, 2011

One of my best friends is an INTJ. In our case it's also true, different thought processes but often same result. We do get in plenty of arguments, but unlike what happened with an INTJ friend of his, we don't stop talking to each other. If the argument gets to strenuous, we change the subject to something we both agree on. He's extremely funny and we can talk for a long time (we've gone on road trips before on our way home from college and we never get bored).

My brother's also an INTJ. I don't see him very often because we live in different time zones and he's way older than me, but we can immediately jump into an intellectual conversation when we talk. One of the recent conversations we had was actually about the MBTI and the Enneagram!

Organized Chaos · Oct 20, 2011

I have many, many friends of many, many types, but my friend (and former co-worker) John who's INTJ gets me in a way no one else does! Plus we have very similar interests and senses of humor.

Adesi · Oct 20, 2011

Of the 3 people I'd consider closest to me/get along with the best, 2 are INTJ (I'm married to an INTJ) and one is ISTJ. And yes, I get the "same conclusion, different thought process" occurrence a lot with INTJs. Besides my brother (who last tested as INFJ), these the ones I would bend over backwards for and who would do the same for me.

I wish I knew what some of my closer friends in college would have tested as, though one I'm pretty certain was an NTJ.

TheWaffle · Oct 20, 2011

ISTJ's and INTJ's are sworn enemies. It's difficult (read: impossible) for them to get along.

Sela · Oct 21, 2011

I knew somebody was going to reply with the war thread, lol.

littledeer · Oct 20, 2011

I know an INTJ that's one of my personal heroes. She is about 15 years older than I am, but we have great conversations on almost any topic.

I've also worked with an INTJ and we didn't always get along. She would often ignore me or act like I didn't know which end was up. She generally had a disdainful attitude at work, so I tried not to take it personally. The following thread expresses some of the struggles we had relating to each other:

http://personalitycafe.com/intj-forum-scientists/17014-intj-istj-compatibility.html

oldtoby · Oct 20, 2011

neither...they are frenemies :tongue:

ScarlettHayden · Jul 17, 2013

My younger sister took the test today and it turns out she's an ISTJ. She's fairly quiet and keeps to herself, but she definitely knows how to have a good laugh, and can hold her own in an argument. But the argument never really gets serious. Sometimes she can appear to be a little bossy, but I never let her have the last say. All in good fun.

We also seem to be able to read each others mind and have a conversation off of facial expressions alone, which makes it even more hilarious when we're winding each other up.

She's the only thinker in our house full of SF's, so I connect more with her than anyone else when it comes to being logical. She's also very open to new ideas when it suits her and she likes to mess with my mind by throwing random stuff into my thought processes. I'm guessing this is her extroverted intuition coming out.

Also we agree on pretty much everything. I agree with the other comments that our minds work in very different ways, but always end up at the same conclusion.

She also respects my need for space, because she asks for it in return. Unlike my SF mother she doesn't get upset if I spend all week in my room. As long as I come out for dinner at the right times and do my house chores, lol.

oldtoby said:
neither...they are frenemies

This so much. We are simultaneously best friends and worst enemies in some bizarre sort of mix. It's very weird.

Adesi · Oct 21, 2011

A song for every occasion...

sriracha · Oct 21, 2011

I have two INTJ friends: one guy and one girl. I'm not close to them, but I like them!!! And I would like more INTJ friends!!

Achi · Oct 21, 2011

INTJs are great, as long as you're on their good side. I know a couple and we get along real well, we seem to get each other's sense of humor.

Popinjay · Oct 21, 2011

My longest-running friendship is with an ISTJ. He doesn't grasp my sarcasm (or, more likely, doesn't find it amusing) but we both find the same films/shows amusing and we both have zero tolerance for stupidity and illogical behavior. We both bitch about people who make our jobs more difficult and identify with each other's anger and frustration.

I suspect a marriage (INTJ) to an ISTJ would be somewhat dull, to both partners. We make decisions based on logic but the data we use to arrive at our decisions is worlds apart. Plus where an Si user is more inclined to enjoy traditions/ceremony, the Ni/Se user is more inclined to think they're stupid and want to avoid them.

I hate all holidays and passionately hate the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving...only because I get to stuff my face. I also hate birthdays and REALLY hate when other people expect me to care about theirs.

There are lots of other conflicts between Si and Se (like the Se, even inferior Se, user's need to EXPERIENCE things).

WamphyriThrall · Oct 22, 2011

I don't believe this at all. I've known plenty of traditional INTJ and others who were against almost all things traditional. Then we have a good number like me who are neither, see the goods and the bads, more neutral in our stance. But I see what you mean. A lot of social events don't make much sense to me at all, one reason I have a habit of burying myself knee deep in research during just to gain perspective, so even if I don't partake in everyone else's fervor, I at least understand why they have those sentiments in the first place and can appreciate its significance.

Being raised by two SJ parents and having a tritype of 6-1-3 probably contribute to my more lax views toward past times, too.

MBTI Enthusiast · Oct 21, 2011

Well. They sure can get along. Although the INTJ girl that I knew in HS was my secret enemy since she transferred to my school and all of a sudden I wasn't the smartest. :tongue: Other than that, I don't really know any INTJs. (Oh wait, my cousin is one. Sure, we get along great. But his ENFJ wife is always mediating. :wink

Although @WamphyriThrall and I get along pretty good. I try to answer his endless questions about type, but I feel like my answers are not as far-reaching and in depth as he'd like.

Also, I kinda believe in enneagram more than MBTI for compatibility atm.

INTJs are very commonly 5s (tied with 1 and 8). So if she is indeed a 5, and you are indeed a 1, no wonder you get along. :wink: Look here.

Qadosh · Oct 21, 2011

@MBTI Enthusiast (D: can't make lowercase) interesting. I don't know if I could handle a 1, though. A 1 would probably think I'm a slacker.

But maybe it makes sense. I tend to be more interested in wimminz that aren't into super girly things like The Notebook and shopping, and gossiping and general drama causing. Hmmmmm. How interesting.

Mind Swirl · Nov 15, 2011

I have a friend I believe to be ISTJ. We've been friends for a long time and get along well overall.

We're both introverts and there are a lot of similarities there in the way we interact in that way. We both have a fun time picking apart things we find ridiculous. We're both logical and thinking types and are fairly unemotional. We have a similar sense of humor, like the same kinds of movies, have similar interests. We can have fun together when just hanging around each other, we don't need to be chatting about the weather, plus neither of us cares about small talk! We like to jab at each other to get reactions, using sarcasm and witty banter, all in the name of fun.

Points of disagreement:
Usually the disagreement happens when I question a method they use. I was grilled for folding a blanket "wrong" one day. I also might suggest something should be changed which can be a point of contention. I tend to be very lax about the details and little things where the process and details are important to my ISTJ friend.

AdiGri · Nov 15, 2011

Mind Swirl said:
I have a friend I believe to be ISTJ. We've been friends for a long time and get along well overall.

We're both introverts and there are a lot of similarities there in the way we interact in that way. We both have a fun time picking apart things we find ridiculous. We're both logical and thinking types and are fairly unemotional. We have a similar sense of humor, like the same kinds of movies, have similar interests. We can have fun together when just hanging around each other, we don't need to be chatting about the weather, plus neither of us cares about small talk! We like to jab at each other to get reactions, using sarcasm and witty banter, all in the name of fun.

....

I agree with what was said above! My wife is an INTJ (and proud of it!) and we've been married for 19 years. We have an excellent relationship, we give each other space while we do spend time together talking about all sorts of things, from philosophy to business, from how to raise our three boys to cracking each other up with the latest gossips! From what I read, the major problem with an ISTJ-INTJ couple is the potential dullness of their life. That might be true, but I'm not sure what do people expect from a good relationship... continuous drama, soap opera? Thank God, I'm spared of such thing! We've had our courtship, we married, and we kept living! The only arguments we have is not about something domestic but rather different ideas about we both feel strongly (could be anything!). Once an INTJ forms an opinion, that's it, there's nothing to convince them to the contrary, while us, the ISTJs, we'll listen to a logical argument and if it makes sense, we are willing to concede and change our views. I've learned to stop arguing if I see that it goes too far, even though I know that I'm right (no counter argument will make my INTJ change her mind!). In any case, I'll let her know that I'm not arguing anymore because she doesn't get it

This makes me think that two INTJs will have a problem living together as none of them would be willing to concede if the happen to be on opposite sides.

One thing that may help an ISTJ-INTJ relationship is how the INTJ sees his or her ISTJ partner. My wife said that she decided to marry me because I was the first guy that she perceived as smarter than her. How much of that opinion is still valid today... that's subject to debate, however, if the ISTJ keeps impressing the INTJ with his or her "smartness" the INTJ's sense of superiority will be held in check and the relationship will be a healthy one, peer-to-peer. This is especially true when SHE is an INTJ.

The "traditions" thing... true, my wife hates every one of them: Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, you name it. While I'm not a big fan of it, I see their values in keeping some sort of ritual in our life - people get comfort from rituals. The kids get excited about all of them and I hate to be the Grinch! Here I get free hand in organizing whatever I want... she would even decorate the Christmas tree

In conclusion, ISTJ-INTJ can be great partners, but then, how can an ISTJ fail at anything...

White River · Nov 16, 2011

Depends on the individual, as with all of these types of questions. I know a lot of ISTJs, and out of the types that are slightly easier to find in society, I probably get on with them the best in general. However, I can get frustrated with some ISTJs who are overly traditional and very stuck in their ways. I often have clashes with the SJs in my family because of differences in the way we think (I come across very much as an 'outsider' to them).

CorgiGirl · Nov 16, 2011

Something that I don't understand about my INTJ friend that I've realized. He's often critical of my own traditional ways but he'll jump on any bandwagon as long as it's fresh and new. I can see throwing away the old ideas for better ones, but sticking to anything that threatens tradition seems worse than being traditional. At least my ways have actually been tried.

niss · Jul 17, 2013

Depends on the individual. My best friend is an INTJ, but I wouldn't expect that to be the case with other INTJ's that don't share my values.

Saturn Fox · Jul 19, 2013

One of my longest-running friendships is with an INTJ. Our interactions can be easily summarized as "sarcasm volley". We obviously both adore it.

Senexx · Jul 20, 2013

As "duty fulfillers" is it possible to have enemies per se?

Out0fAmmo · Jul 21, 2013

Why not? Having "enemies" is an aspect of human nature, not restricted to any personality set.

Senexx · Jul 21, 2013

Maybe I'm looking at it too black and white but once duty is fulfilled, I wouldn't necessarily or rather don't necessarily look at anyone as an enemy. I just don't usually think in that context. So I have trouble adjusting to such a thought.

ISTJ and INTJ - friends or enemies?

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